Month: March 2016

Adventures in going out: Week 4

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bowmanstower
Good gravy, there was a lot of steps in there.
This week is my fourth week of going out, does that mean I have been going out for a month now? Either way, this was my fourth outing. This would be one where I would really go the distance. I wasn’t really going speed. I was all alone.  But it wasn’t my time of need. I did plot the course. There was no riding of a horse… I would go my furthest outing from my home today. I would go out to Peddler’s Village, which was about an hour drive to get to. This trek would also go into another state, Pennsylvania.

I would go to Peddler’s Village, which is up in New Hope. To do a little shopping for some fun. I do like to shop… And well. It was kind of boring for me. While they advertise 60 shops, most of them are not really places I would shop at. Maybe if I was an old married couple, I would have loved it. Or if I maybe eat at one of the restaurants there, it would have added more to the experience for me. There was a place called, Cock and Bull, I kid you not. That… Sounds like a place I would name a restaurant. I did stop in the candy shop, and boy,  does a handmade candy store smell incredible. I don’t eat that stuff anymore. It’s part of what helps me go out places not eating those bad foods. I grabbed some dark chocolate for my dad, yeah, I’m an awesome son. And went about my way.

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Where I was at, I was near a place called Bowman’s Tower. Which I believe is where they would watch to see if the British were coming into the area. Driving up to this place was the scariest place I have ever driven before. It was up this incredibly steep hill, I swear I thought I was driving the wrong way, or would not make it up the hill. Almost wanted to turn around. But I progressed and kept on and made it up to the Tower. I bought my ticket and climbed… It was a lot of steps. I was too manly for the elevator, plus, elevators feel weird to me. It was an exhilarating view as well as a scary view. I am afraid of heights, luckily it was fenced in, and I couldn’t just tumble over. As my luck, I probably would have.  There were some vultures circling around the tower. I think they could smell my fear, and were waiting for me to pass out. I didn’t. I showed them. I’ve won this battle today, Vultures.

It was still pretty early in the afternoon, and I was feeling good, so checked my Google maps for anything local to do/see. I found a Castle Museum that was 30 mins from there, so headed there. Upon arrival I saw you needed a photo permit, and was discouraged, so turned back, and headed home.

All in all, it was another great experience. Upon arrival I was a little loopy, driving up in the hills/mountains like that, really throws your body off. After I settled into the area, sitting down some,  I felt much, much better. And was able to go about fine while there.

Next week I plan to go to the Franklin Institute to check out the Egypt and Pixar exhibit. Who knows, I may even learn something. I’ll prove those high school teachers wrong that said I couldn’t learn anything.

New Horizons…

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This week has started my fourth week of taking my self out places. The past three weeks I have taken myself out at the end of the week, on Saturday. This time, things were a little different for me. It started with Sunday, where I would take a workshop, with random people. Yikes! I know. Going out someplace, and with random people. Double yikes! It was sort of local, as it was only 15 minutes away. That was a nice thing to have for my first outing like that. I’ve always been so introverted because of my health issues, and my anxiety. That I turn away from these things. This time, after spending so much time healing myself, and getting so much healthier overall, I decided to try it this time.

At first I was little nervous after I got there, as I was around these random strangers. I knew none of them, and I would be there for 3.5 hours. I have accomplished so much already I knew that I could do this. So it quickly went away and I was able to enjoy myself, and even talk to these other people. It was very nice being around like minded people who enjoy the same interests as I do. I don’t normally have that. When you are controlled by anxiety, and fearful, you don’t get to be around many people. So it was really nice to be around people that you can relate to. It gives me hope that I can meet new people, and bring new people and things into my life. When you live with anxiety and fear, you live alone. Others may know of what you go through, but they never truly understand it. And you end up pushing many away, and vice versa. At times you grow used to the lack of contact, but it does create a loneliness, no matter how much of lone wolf we claim to be.

That was a good way to start the week, and I was really happy I did that workshop, and got out like that, and around new people. I certainly want to do more, and continue to meet new people. Who knows, it could lead to great friends, and even someone special in my life.  This experience really opened new doors for me, and has put me on new paths for better future and things in my life, and will help to allow new things to come into my life for a change. Instead of me closing down to so much and allowing nothing in.

Times are finally changing for the better. This will not be the one thing for my week, as I also meet with my boss this week, something that used to terrify me so much. The anxiety that such a thing would create. Being with the boss, him in my car, spending hours with him. It was always things that would send me into a frenzy the days before, and the morning of. I have seen so much progress, and climbing over so many obstacles that I was able to meet my boss, without my normal routine in the morning. I knew that if I wanted to do this with other people, I had to get used to it, and be OK with it.  I even drove an hour with him down to Vineland. My choice.  (Why do they call it that? I didn’t see any Vines at all in the land.. Womp. Womp.. These are the jokes people. Just laugh at them, or it will be very awkward for us both.) I also spoke my mind with him and aired a lot of grievances and how I felt about things at my job. Something that is not easy for me to do. I’ve always been so timid, and shy, and passive, that I never speak up. Never stand firm for myself. I can’t even return something. Normally I just throw it out if it’s not what I wanted, and lose the money. So it was good to speak up. To speak my mind… It went well, and I didn’t get fired… Yet anyways.

All in all it’s been a great week for me in accomplishing things, and it’s only Tuesday. I plan to still go out exploring this weekend, Saturday. Not sure where to go yet.

Even more exciting than all of that, The Flash has a new episode tonight, after three weeks of no new episodes. It’s an incredible week all around. #nerdlife.

 

–Jason

 

 

Adventures in going out: Week 3

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redbank
Whitall House Museum

 

I continued my journey of pushing myself more and more, and took myself out for some fun this afternoon. I spent just about all of my adult life, if not further back than that, living in such a state of fear, and being afraid to go anywhere, it is so shocking to me, that I have been looking forward to these excursions. They are the highlights of my week.  I never could have imagined that I would have ever wanted to be out, or even go out. Yet, here I am. I am even planning trips that I want to take. If you were to tell me, that I was pulled out of my body, and replaced with someone new. I would believe you. Some days I don’t even know myself anymore. And that is a great thing.

 

cannon
So many ball jokes. So little time.

This week I took myself out to Red Bank Battlefield, which is in Southern New Jersey. I didn’t even know this place existed, until recently, when my sister in law told me about it. It was a small little park, that had some lovely views, and  I was able to take some pictures. This one up top is picture of the Whitall House Museum. It was used as a makeshift hospital during the battle of Red Bank, at Fort Mercer.  I did not get to go inside, as it is not open during the weekends until April. It is said to be haunted, so I will definitely be going back there to check that out. There was some cannonballs and a cannon on display. Never really realized how large cannon balls actually were. That would certainly ruin your day if you were to get hit with one.

 

goose
Stop looking at me, swan.

It was a little chilly as the weather was getting cold, as we are expected to get some snow tomorrow, so there is winter weather said to be coming tonight into tomorrow. If tomorrow is the first day of Spring, would that mean it’s Spring weather, or is it Winter weather if it snows? I also met this lovely guy, this is my new BFF, Goose. He is hilarious. He told the funniest jokes, he was quacking me up… Bahhahaha… I can do this all day. Puns are fun. I’m so puny. Oh em gee! I cannot stop! And I’m done. I also had movie tickets to go see the latest Divergent Movie, Allegiant. Yes, I like that series. Don’t judge me! I also like Harry Potter. So I had some time to kill, and went to the mall to kill some time. I was able to buy myself some new tee-shirts, I do love Hot Topic.

All in all the day was a great day, I was out for about 7.5 hours total. More than I could have ever imagined and hoped for. It was a great day. I was not anxious, or stressed, or wanting to freak out.

Happy dance now…

Adventures in going out: Week 2

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In continuing to push myself more and more I have started my years journey to take myself out once a week. Today I took myself on a hiking trek through Smithville Historic Park. I hiked for 7 miles today. It was a a little breezy outside, but overall the weather was nice. It was lovely to be out in nature, hiking through the woods. There is just something so serene and peaceful in being in nature. Listening to the sounds all around.

I was surprised to see many people out there. I was thinking I would be kind of alone with the exception of one or two people. Man was I wrong. Lots of people were out there, some were out there jogging, some where out there walking their dogs. Everyone having a nice, and relaxing day, enjoying the weather, and nature. I will saw it was sad to see many of the trees along the paths will people initials on it. I guess nothing says love you more than you and your mates initials in a tree. If you didn’t see it, that was me rolling my eyes at that comment.

I was surprised at how calm and collected I was out there, I was out for about 4 hours. Give or take. My only thoughts really were in the idea of taking myself out there. While at times it felt kind of lonely to be out there hiking alone,  I was OK. I enjoyed the quite times and this was a great experience and exercise for helping me to overcome these types of things so in the future I can be out with other people. One step at a time. I was excited and looked forward all week to this venture. That is saying a lot for me. As I have been one who has spent their whole life hiding and afraid of these things, and coming up with a million and one excuses to not be out there. It is a refreshing change of attitude for myself and gives me hope for a brighter and better future. One not hindered by fear and panic. I accomplished a lot today and this is one step further in life. And I look forward to next weeks adventure.

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A years journey for myself. Continuing to go further.

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In my journey with healing myself, and working through my anxiety, I have been pushing myself more and more, to go further and further. Taking myself out of my comfort zone that I have built up for the past, I can’t even tell you how long. The more I confront the more I hope will heal and allow me to release it more and more from myself.

I am now setting out on my craziest adventure yet. To take myself out of my comfort zone once a week, and go out places. Even if I have to just take myself there, it will still allow me to go out and experience new things. Which will help push myself and open myself up to new things. It it my goal to do this once a week for a year. Taking myself all over the place. Whether it’s a big outing or something small, like a trip to the movies. I have never attempted something even remotely close to this before in my life or even thought of doing something like this. So here I am, starting a new chapter in my life, and going forward to new things. To create new memories and maybe even meet new people. I hope to blog about these experiences each week as a record of things.

This weeks outing was to the movies today and yesterday. I did take myself to the movies, and I’m OK with that. If I want to see something I have no issue taking myself. Plus with anxiety for me it can be easier to be alone when I do things.  I saw Gods of Egypt and Kung Fu Panda 3. Gods of Egypt was a good movie, I love that time. Ancient Egypt and love mythology. The Franklin Institute has an exhibit on Egypt and Pixar as well, currently, and would love to go and see them.  There was a lot of special effects and fight scenes, and story could have been better, but it’s nice to see a different version of the universe, as opposed to the same ol’ stories that we are used to in Hollywood, like Miracles of Heaven that is coming soon. Kung Fu Panda was not too shabby either. I’m a fan of the franchise, I love cartoons. I think this one was more “silly” then its predecessors, but overall was good. I think 1 and 2 were much better than the third one.  I’d give both movies as 3 out of 5.

I am not sure on what all to go and do, but I am sure I will think of something do to and or see.

Here’s to new experiences.

–Jason