This week has started my fourth week of taking my self out places. The past three weeks I have taken myself out at the end of the week, on Saturday. This time, things were a little different for me. It started with Sunday, where I would take a workshop, with random people. Yikes! I know. Going out someplace, and with random people. Double yikes! It was sort of local, as it was only 15 minutes away. That was a nice thing to have for my first outing like that. I’ve always been so introverted because of my health issues, and my anxiety. That I turn away from these things. This time, after spending so much time healing myself, and getting so much healthier overall, I decided to try it this time.
At first I was little nervous after I got there, as I was around these random strangers. I knew none of them, and I would be there for 3.5 hours. I have accomplished so much already I knew that I could do this. So it quickly went away and I was able to enjoy myself, and even talk to these other people. It was very nice being around like minded people who enjoy the same interests as I do. I don’t normally have that. When you are controlled by anxiety, and fearful, you don’t get to be around many people. So it was really nice to be around people that you can relate to. It gives me hope that I can meet new people, and bring new people and things into my life. When you live with anxiety and fear, you live alone. Others may know of what you go through, but they never truly understand it. And you end up pushing many away, and vice versa. At times you grow used to the lack of contact, but it does create a loneliness, no matter how much of lone wolf we claim to be.
That was a good way to start the week, and I was really happy I did that workshop, and got out like that, and around new people. I certainly want to do more, and continue to meet new people. Who knows, it could lead to great friends, and even someone special in my life. This experience really opened new doors for me, and has put me on new paths for better future and things in my life, and will help to allow new things to come into my life for a change. Instead of me closing down to so much and allowing nothing in.
Times are finally changing for the better. This will not be the one thing for my week, as I also meet with my boss this week, something that used to terrify me so much. The anxiety that such a thing would create. Being with the boss, him in my car, spending hours with him. It was always things that would send me into a frenzy the days before, and the morning of. I have seen so much progress, and climbing over so many obstacles that I was able to meet my boss, without my normal routine in the morning. I knew that if I wanted to do this with other people, I had to get used to it, and be OK with it. I even drove an hour with him down to Vineland. My choice. (Why do they call it that? I didn’t see any Vines at all in the land.. Womp. Womp.. These are the jokes people. Just laugh at them, or it will be very awkward for us both.) I also spoke my mind with him and aired a lot of grievances and how I felt about things at my job. Something that is not easy for me to do. I’ve always been so timid, and shy, and passive, that I never speak up. Never stand firm for myself. I can’t even return something. Normally I just throw it out if it’s not what I wanted, and lose the money. So it was good to speak up. To speak my mind… It went well, and I didn’t get fired… Yet anyways.
All in all it’s been a great week for me in accomplishing things, and it’s only Tuesday. I plan to still go out exploring this weekend, Saturday. Not sure where to go yet.
Even more exciting than all of that, The Flash has a new episode tonight, after three weeks of no new episodes. It’s an incredible week all around. #nerdlife.