Month: July 2016
The I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a Hamburger today edition.
This post is my 50th blog post on this site. Toot toot, my own horn. Take that, procrastination.
Another week is coming to an end, and with it, the ending of a month as well. I can hardly believe that it is going to be August in two days. It feels/seems like just last month was January. This year has been rushing by, and I have been enjoying every moment of it. For a change. A very nice change. This year has been, the best year of my life. It is only going to get better for me. I have so much planned for this year, and there will be so much more to do and see. And I can not wait.
This week was the last of my meditation group that I started 8 weeks ago. A year ago I would have never thought it was possible to attend such a thing. It has been an incredible experience and I have met so many like minded people, and am building great friendships with these people. After our last class we all went out to a dinner to get some tea. It was such a freeing experience to be able to go out to that dinner with them, and have fun. Not having to sweat and be anxious about the idea of it. Not having to think of ways that I could get out of it. Not being fearful and anxious all the way to it. I was fine, and looked forward to it. Hopefully we will get to do that again more often. That there could have been enough of an outing for my weekly adventures, but I did not stop there.
The weather has not been that cooperative for me these past few days. It’s been raining, and thunder storming, and calling for floods, which has created a looming rain cloud over what I could or would do. See what I did there? I had no actual plans to where I was going so I thought I’d revisit a place that I went to in the start of my journey. Historic Smithville Park. So see how things are there now and see it again. Since during that time of this journey I was still getting my feet wet in going out. After getting near to this place I saw that there was no cars at it. Last time I was there, there was tons of cars, and activity. I don’t know if the place was closed or what. I was afraid to find out. I’ve seen scary movies. The good looking blond is always the first to go. So I didn’t want to take my chances in the woods, alone. Last time I did that. I almost never found my car again. So I decided to go somewhere else. I then remembered a store that the people from my class told me about, and so I went out to check it out. I was not intending to really spend money today, so I went in, trying to save my money.. That… Did not work out so well. This place had lots of lovely stuff, that I could not resist and ended up spending 21 bucks. I could have easily spent more than that. Especially when there was an old toy toy store next door to it. With old He-Man toys from the 80’s on display. I did good and did not spend money there. One day you will be mine again, Castle Grayskull. I was then going to go to the local park where I was, but it started to start to rain some. So I went and did some more shopping before returning home, and then taking the dog for a walk outside.
All and all it was an adventurous day, and I did not spend all that much. More than I originally intended do. You live and you learn.
The Who you gonna call edition?
Today was the 21st week in a row of going out. I did not really have a plan of what I was going to do today. The outing today was limited in what I was able to do by the fact that the sun seemed to want to throw a temper tantrum, like Donald Trump not getting his way. Hey-o! Zing. It decided it was going to be an unbearable 97 degrees outside. My skin is so light that I would just burn if as soon as I stepped foot outside. I literally have to run to my car to save. That may or may not be a gross exaggeration. I was invited to go down the shore with my family as they were going down there. I did seriously think about it but opted to not go and not take the chances of getting burnt. Plus I really loathe the heat. It’s uncomfortable and not fun for me. Why so many people crave and want this type of weather I do not know. I think they may actually enjoy pain and suffering. Give me a good breezy 75 degree day, any day. And I am fine. This. There is no reason for this.
So to go out today I knew that I was not really going to be going outside anywhere, and had to pick a place to go that was out somewhere but also inside. So the only thing that I could really think of, or really feel like doing was going to see a movie. I decided that I would go and see the remake of Ghostbusters. Let me state right now that I originally had no intention of going to see this movie. The trailers I saw did nothing for me. And the one trailer was one of the most disliked trailers to ever grace Youtube. However I am a huge Ghostbusters fan, I love those movies and have loved them since I was a kid. I even wanted to be a Ghostbuster when I grew older. Sadly, I have not yet reached that goal. This 21 weeks of adventures has shown me that anything is possible. So I will not give up. One day I will be a Ghostbuster. Oh, yes, I will. The other thing that I did not like about this movie was the casting they chose. While many would say they were/are disappointed that its a female cast and not the males that were originally there. I will say I would have loved a third movie with that cast. It was not a female thing that bothered me. My complaint was that Melissa McCarthy was cast as one of the leads. I have seen a few of her movies, and well, IMO, they were just all terrible. Movies people swear are hilarious just do nothing for me. And I love comedy movies. So I had low, very low, exceptions going into this movie. I did it for the love of the franchise. And sometimes you have to take one for the team.
Today was no exception to that rule. This movie was just terrible. A terrible movie. Poorly written, and poorly executed. This move was written as if a five year old wrote it, and Michael Bay directed it. It had poop jokes, fart jokes, vomit jokes, and explosions. It was very very CGI heavy and overly done with special effects. The original movie had such charm, and finesse, and the jokes were so warm and funny. Back off man, I’m a scientist. You cared about the cast and the characters. This movie had none of that. I could have cared less about these characters and them saving the day. I was really just waiting for the movie to end, didn’t help I had to go the bathroom really bad. I wanted to walk out within thirty minutes of the movie starting it was that bad to me. People around me were laughing at the jokes. Perhaps they were too low brow from my sense of humor, or the jokes were just so complex that they went sailing over my head. Overall I would give it a 2 out of 10. And that is because it’s in a franchise I love, and it had lovely cameo’s. And why did Chris Hemsworth have to be the dumb eye candy? I thought such blatant stereotypes were long done these days. Apparently I was wrong. Hollywood needs to come up with fresh new things these days. Or at least produce something fresh and good in a different universe of an established universe. Something new and worthwhile. Sadly, this was not it. Perhaps for others they may love, some people I have spoke to loved the movie. I don’t know what Ghostbusters they were watching, but it wasn’t this one. IMO.
The journey I have been on has been an incredible one. It has taken me to places I could have never dreamed of. I have done things I have never thought was possible. I had a successful vacation, twice this year. Before this year the last time I went on actual vacation was 2005, and it was a terrible, terrible, anxious time for me. This year has been incredible. It has not been an easy road to travel to get to this point and there has been so much that I have done in the pursuit of my own happiness.
The biggest thing would have to be the change of diet I put myself on this past year. This has been the cornerstone to the new me that is able to do so much. This change has come from a lot of experimentation over the years. I have tried so many things to help heal myself and get a better life. A lot of my anxiety/panic revolves around my health and my mysterious stomach issues that have no explanation for why they do what they do. I have had more tests than I want to remember, and taken more pills than I can count. And I used to be good at math. Especially long division. I loved long division. All of those pills always made me worse, and at one point I was basically a walking/talking zombie. Devoid of all emotion and feeling. Those were dark times for me. Luckily today I am not on any pills and can be me, and happy, and free. That is not something that will happen for everyone. For some they need those pills. Those pills save their lives and allow them to live their live to the fullest. As I said yesterday, every body is different and each body requires a different thing to make it feel good and function as best as it can. You just need to find out what works for best for you.
This is what works best for me. I can hardly believe how there were so many nights where I drowned it all away in a bowl of ice cream, and two packs of those giant Reece’s peanut butter cups. Today my snacks are a big bowl for fruit. The first thing I did when I knew it was time to take back my life was to change my eating. I said goodbye to junk food. All of it. I quit it cold turkey. After the headache went away from the sugar withdrawal within a few days I started to feel a big difference. I start to cut down on my headaches I was having, and I was not staying up all the time now. As soon as I would get into bed at night, within roughly thirty minutes I would be asleep. Something that used to take an hour or two at least to happen. That alone was well worth it. During this time I was really, really, over weight. I was very tired, weak, I was having breathing difficulties. I was having sleep apnea. You name it, I probably had it. Eww, no, not that. Why was that the first thing you thought of? Gross. I had also been doing a lot of reading of various things that can cause stomach issues, and I was willing to try many of those things to help heal my gut. That was the journey I was on. So the next thing I would give up was dairy and gluten. Things that are said to make the gut not function as best as it can. After giving up the gluten I was quick to notice, within a short amount of a couple days, that I was not as bloated as I always was. I was not carrying that around. Which was another great thing. I also found myself to think more clearer than I was. It was like my brain was all foggy on it. Another thing that has been a huge blessing is that I used to struggle all the time with headaches, really really bad ones, and I found without the gluten I was not getting headaches all the time. And if I did get them they would not be as severe as they were when I was on it. I was not needing to take something to get it to go away. That in itself is worth its weight in gold.
I would also tweak my diet to eat foods that I could digest. I had had allergy testing done and found that I had responded to some allergens that were found in trees and grasses that create a cross contamination allergen to some of the fruits/veggies I was eating. Such as banana’s, apples, peaches and a few others. So I tailored my diet around those foods and added the ones I could eat. Such as grapes. That made a huge difference for me with my stomach and the way it was responding to foods. Instead of having to go the bathroom three-four times in the morning before noon, I was now going once all day. That was mind blowing. That changed my life and helped me cut down my anxiety about traveling and going out. Within the past year of working with this diet I have learned to know which foods are good and which are not for me. And how much I can tolerate. I still can not eat a banana without being in pain or in the bathroom all day. As was evident three days ago. Experimentation plays a huge role in knowing yourself and what you can and can not do. I do not eat nuts that often as most of them are really hard to digest. Such as cashews. Most nuts need to soak in water to ferment for a day to be able to eat them more easily. So I do not eat them. They are torture on my gut. From time to time I eat pistachios as they are the only ones that I can seem to tolerate. The other thing is I eat really foods now. Meats, fruits, veggies. Nothing processed. No lunch meats. No bacon. There seems to be a love for putting cheese and bacon on everything. My dressings if I eat a salad is olive oil. No added junk or fillers. Plain food. The way were were meant to eat. It has changed my life in so many ways. It has changed me and my personality and my way of being. I am someone completely knew to myself. And I am loving that guy.
My healthy lifestyle has helped me to lose 80 pounds, running also helped with that. It has also helped with my sleep apnea, it has helped with my breathing issues, my energy/fatigue issues, my Acid Reflux issues. I can eat a few oranges and not feel like I am dying while laying in bed. That’s just to name a few. Most of all. It has given me my life back.
If you do decide to change your life and your ways and want to change your diet and what you eat, after all we are what we eat, speak to a trained professional that can help you create the best diet for you. To make sure you are getting the proper balance of nutrients and if you may need a multi-vitamin to cover the rest.
It may just be the best thing you ever do for yourself. Period.
This weekend was an action packed weekend. I did things every day if it. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I can not think of the last time such an occurrence happened for me. This is my new life I am living and I am loving every moment of it.
This wasn’t my life before and while I did do a ton this weekend it was rough at times. That, however, was my own fault. Friday night after getting home from my birthday party I was celebrating and was eating some fruit that I was not supposed to be eating. There are foods that just don’t agree with me, and this was one of them. I bought a bunch of bananas Friday night, and then the next day, I was reeling from them. I had thought I was sick but I realized it was the foods I had eaten. Luckily the way I was feeling did not last long and I was able to go out the next day.
I then did not learn my lesson and had some more bad foods Sunday night, and paid for it all night long, by being in the bathroom… What is the moral of this story? You are what you eat. What has helped me with this journey and doing things like this is that I have started eating better. Not just healthy foods but foods that worked for me. Foods that my body can handle. Foods that my body can tolerate and digest better. I believe that our bodies are all unique and different. As such they also have diets and food choices that work best for that body. So we all have different dietary needs and wants. Eating those foods can really make a difference in our wellbeing and our attitude.
For me it has literally been life changing and it has literally saved my life. When I am not eating those foods. I pay the price, as I did this weekend, and it’s a heavy, uncomfortable price. I am writing this for posterity and a reminder for myself for when I am thinking of eating the wrong foods. There is a price to them and is it worth it to do so? For me, it’s not. Now I know and see it in writing to make those better choices. They have served me well and I do not want to go back to that place again. I will be what the foods I eat are. Healthy, happy, while. I will eat good, kind foods…
You use Courage. It’s super effective!
Hello Sunday. The last day of the weekend, and the first day of the week. Sunday usually one of the worst feeling days of the week. You want to have fun this day, but you realize that Monday looms a dark shadow over it. So too much fun and the day is over and you are back to work. Sunday is the day we end up just trying to have fun but not have fun. So it usually ends up laundry day. Well it usually was for me.
Today I wanted to change up all that monotony and do something on the fly. Spur of the moment kind of thing. I had been wanting to see The secret life of pets for a little while now, and my sister had mentioned she wanted to see a movie while she was visiting, and since I was not feeling too hot yesterday I thought, why not, let’s do a movie today. Who is this guy doing something so crazy, and without a plan, and at the last minute? I don’t know this guy.. But he sounds kind of cool.
In times past I would never even have considered the idea of doing something like this. Something without a plan. Something last minute. Yet today I defied all my laws of reason I had created and decided to go out to the movies with my sister. I even ate lunch before going out. My whole life if I had to go out I would never eat. That was adding more fuel to the fire of my anxiety and that something could make me sick if I ate it. So I would not eat, and not really drink. And hope and pray that I could make it though it all. These days I am able to relax more and more before hand and go out and enjoy these things with foods/drinks in me. I actually had lunch and breakfast before. That would never have happened in the past. Thanks to going out more and more I have given myself confidence and courage with my self and doing this and that has opened more and more doors.
I went out and I had a good time. The movie was cute. It was better than I thought it would be. Of course we were last minute and now theaters have recliners and reserved seating so we had to sit within the first three rows. Seriously why do theaters even add those rows? You can barely see the screen. We had to be sneaky and sit back a row behind us in the handicap section. Which is reserved.. Shhhh, you didn’t read anything.
Most importantly I got to go out, see a movie with my sister, and create wonderful memories in the process. I believe this may actually be the first time in my entire life that I have ever done something alone with just my sister. Living with fear and anxiety had always prevented me from these types of achievements. I was missing out. I was not living. That is finally changing. I am so happy and thankful that these words are barely doing it justice.
I’m living life now. And its crazy to say it, and I would have had thunk it, that I could go out and actually enjoy being out. I never thought of my self as an outside type of person. I have always been so introverted. Going out on a Sunday, would have been so taboo. I would have made excuses to stay in. It’s the last day off. I need that down time. It’s too hot out. The grass is too green. Whatever it took. I am glad I did not. I am glad I went out. I spent time with my sister, which is rare now because she lives all many states away. I have never visited her down in her new home. I was always scared. I am getting to a place where I can. I can visit her. And so much more. All I need to do is figure out the magic spell to make it rain money.
The twentieth week of going out. Let’s just take a moment and be grateful for such an achievement. That is 5 months of going out some place different at least once a week. This is a new achievement for me. This is something I could have never thought would be possible or ever imagined myself doing it. Yet, today, was it. Today was that day.
Today I went out somewhere new and went up to North Jersey to see The Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial. It was an hour and a half drive up there, with traffic and avoiding tolls, it took about 2 hours to get there. On top of that I was not feeling all that well this morning. I think one of the party goers last night had a little bug or something and ended up sharing it with me. My head was all congested, I had a headache, and my stomach was off. A year ago that would have been more than enough to give me an excuse not to go anywhere. It did not take much back then. A little sneeze, and I would have been in for the day, watching movies and playing video games. Or in this case Netflix and relaxing. Trying to finish my binging of Supernatural. I am on season 6… 5 more to go. Today I did not let this little ailments slow me down or prevent me from going out to where I wanted to go. I am on a mission to go out and see the world, and live. Finally live. Something I was so not doing. Like so many else that have dealt with anxiety and panic.
The drive up was not too bad, even though there was some traffic. And in NJ when there is traffic, you can be sitting for a while. After arriving and parking, I checked my phone to see if there was an admission to this place. As you never know. I found out. The Museum was closed. I was a tad disappointed in that. As that was the main reason I was heading up there in the first place. I was hoping to check out some of the gear the likes from this time period in history. I have been fascinated with these things all of a sudden and was hoping to get a good view at history. I did not visit the Vietnam Memorial in D.C. It is a shame, perhaps another reason to take a day trip back down there. I had got back into my car and was going to drive right on pack, after spending two hours in the car. But opted to walk around a little since I was already there. There was a few statues, and monuments to check out. Some nice scenery, and nice views to see. It has been extremely hot lately here, which made it a pain to walk around in the open. Even with sunscreen. I got a few pictures and walked around for a few before heading back home and getting something to eat.
All in all it was a great day. Another successful day out, even while not feeling all that well to begin with. I was also thinking of going to the movies with my sister while she is in town but this little bug is kicking my butt and I’m ready to just sleep for a few hours.
Tonight was an outing that was different than what I normally do for my weekly adventures. This time it was a family birthday party. And it was a public place, that was outside. So not only would I be going out, there would be other people there. People I don’t really know, or even how many would be there. The idea of this in the past would be enough to create so much anxiety, that I would think about various ways to get out of it. Now with the way my life has been, how much I have improved my health, and the way I am changing my whole life, I was able to go out to a birthday party with family, and their friends, and go out and enjoy myself. Something I would not be able to do before. If I did do it, I was suffering quietly on the inside. The one thing about anxiety/panic is that we suffered while you didn’t even know it. We wondered how long we would be there, and more aptly, how long do we feel obligated to stay there before we can escape from this place and never come back. It’s even worse when it’s loved ones as you feel like you are letting them down. Being a disappointment to them. We already suffer with worry with what others think of us, now we are making it worse for ourselves.
Tonight was not like that. Tonight was different. Tonight I had freedom. I got to live. I got to spend some time with my family, and I went outside in the process. I went to Woodford Cedar Run Wildlife Refuge, in Medford. (That title is a mouthful.) I did not have to leave early. I was not checking my watch and counting down the minutes. Yes, I have done that. When I went on vacation years ago with family, I was counting the time down until I got home. That’s how bad I was living in the past. It was a horrible time for me. So now to be able to do this, to go out, to enjoy myself. It is incredible. I am loving every moment of it. I got to see some frogs, and some birds.. Lots, and lots of birds. My favorite was the Falcon, Artemis. I am a mythology geek. I never thought I would be able to go to a place like this, to go on a nature hike with people, walk around, look at animals, sit around a fire, and enjoy myself. To have fun. To be happy. I never would have thought it was possible to be happy. I am glad the universe proved me so wrong with that one. So wrong.
I will say I was disappointed that all the animals were in caged in enclosures, I was so hoping to see the animals out in the wilds. Like Pokemon.. I suppose it’s not too bad. Since they had some snakes there. I would have probably passed out had I come across one of those in the wild.
This post.. Has no puns in it. That’s not puny at all.
Boom! Nailed it.