It’s been a week since my Reiki session which has allowed me to process what I went through with it, and the things that it brought forth within me. Such is the result of Reiki and working on our own energy system. It has a tendency to rock the boat so to speak. Rocking the boat has always been something I, and most people that have had anxiety, do not ever want to do.
That was one of the epiphanies I had during the past week after my Reiki session. After the session I was feeling a little tender and sensitive as I was adjusting to the changes within my energy system. It then got me to thinking about how closed down I had become in life. How guarded I was and how shut off from the world I was without really fulling realizing it. For me this was always my life for the longest time, my sister tells me from the time I was a kid, going to kindergarten I was an anxious and nervous person. I used to throw huge crying fits, not wanting to go there. Of course in my defense, not many of us truly wanted to go to school. It would get so bad that I would throw up from it all. That part went away for years, but the nervousness and the anxiety always remained with me. For someone like me living like that during those young formative years, you end up doing whatever you can to protect yourself. In my case it was avoiding it. Avoiding all that I could that would upset me, or rile me up. Instead of even trying I would avoid. When we do that we put up walls. I did not allow myself to process and feel, emotions, feelings, energies. It was all too much, too intense for me. I denied myself from feeling. What then happens is I ended up burying it all within my body. It has to go somewhere so instead of letting it out, it went up inwards. Which then added to the problems, and caused me to majorly overindulge in junk food. I was a junk food junkie. I guess it could have been worse, I could have turned to drugs and alcohol.
So during the Reiki session it was no surprise when an energetic hook was removed from my solar plexus, our gut, where we feel. Since I was not feeling anything, it was blocked. Now that it is removed it stirred some things up within me. That being how I was closed down and not processing or feeling things. For so long my automatic response was to avoid, to not feel it. To let the anxiety dictate what I did and where I went. Now I see more clearly the folly of my ways. I now understand that I have to make better choices when faced with anxiety, and anxious situations. That I have to work with those energies, those feelings, and allow them to not consume me, and cause me to run away. I have to release them from me, and allow myself to process all that is in front of me, and allow myself to engage things. It will not be easy to do. For so long I refused to do that. I think for me, I felt that it was the “right” thing to do. To not do. Yet I was so wrong. You become empty by not feeling and facing. When you close off to the world and doing things you end up closing off to others.
It’s like I have been woken up and I am seeing the world for the first time. Life is different now. I am like a child. Creating the life I choose to want to live and be a part of. It feels great. It is scary but it’s exciting at the same time. I was not sure about making this post as it goes into esoteric stuff, such as energy and healing. I was concerned of what others would think or say about what I wrote about. But I understand that this is my blog, and this is about my journey and what has helped me, and I do not want to deny parts of myself anymore. I spent 36 years doing that. I no longer want to do that. I share it in case it could help another out there. Who is sensitive to the energies around them, which is called Empathy. My journey has changed me a lot. It’s caused me to lose faith, to give up all together, and to find myself, and find faith. And better myself. I can not deny myself who I am. Out of fear of judgement. I will not live a life of fear anymore. I am who I am. And I am becoming proud of myself and what I have done and am doing. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. And I look forward to where my journey takes me. Yesterday I spent 3.5 hours doing Oracle card readings for people. I never saw myself doing that. Yet I did it. And people enjoyed it. Life will take us far if we keep our minds open to the unlimited possibilities.