Month: September 2016
Yesterday was a good day. After that realization I had about innocence and enjoying what I did, like I did in childhood. I felt really good. Really peaceful. Really happy and loving towards myself. Something I had not really had. I felt so much love. It was amazing. I felt really good. I felt so clear and at ease with myself and it was amazing.
Life, and my life in particular, has not been an easy journey for me. It has been full of hardships, loss, and lots and lots of anxiety. For a person with an anxious mind we have a tendency to fixate on things and they end up burrowing into our minds to the point where we can not stop thinking about them. It’s a curse at times. I can go out into a parking lot after shopping and it remember where I parked. But that time you said something about me, oh I remember that. Life is funny that way. And if you didn’t laugh at life. It would eat you alive.
This was the case for me last night as someone said to be, about not being sure I was being serious or not. For that is also my curse. My humor, while hilariously hilarious, also causes people to think I am not a serious person. Ever. Contrary to my own popular belief. Can you believe that? I know right. Now I have heard this many a time in my life. Yet for some reason, this time it really stuck to me. I’m sure it’s not the first time that’s happened. It’s just now I am more aware of my thoughts and feelings. And instinctively it made me start to feel bad about myself. That there was something wrong with me. I’m not a good person. Etc, etc. It started to just fester and fester into my mind. What is wrong with me? I need to change. Be someone else. On and on it went. I even woke up this morning still thinking about it. The anxious mind. Is a crazy place to be.
I was feeling so good about myself. So at peace with myself. I did not want this to take me back down a path I did not want to be. I did not want this to clog up my energy system and close me down. So I did the only thing I could. I worked to let it go. I sat in meditation and grounded myself and allowed it to let go out of me and into the earth to be recycled. I breathed in loving energies and light, and breathed out negativity. It was really starting to help.
So I then knew I did not want to hold on to it. So I called in the Archangels, Raphael, Michael, Gabriel, and Chamuel. To release it from me and bring back the love into me. While I was meditating and allowing them to work on me, I could feel peace return to me. My mind was getting still and I was calming. I could then, hear their wisdom coming though about this situation. And this is what it was about that they spoke to me.
“Loving our flaws. These flaws and quirks are what makes us unique. What makes us who we are.”
It made me smile, as I understood it now. I understood myself more. I did not have to feel bad about myself. I did not need to reject a part of me. I knew I am unique and I can be proud about that. I can love myself for who I am. And smile. I thanked the Archangels for their wisdom and love. I also thanked those who helped me learn this lesson by playing their part in it all.
I then decided to pull an oracle card for extra wisdom for the day. Today is feast of the Archangels so I pulled from my Archangel Deck, by Doreen Virtue. I pulled Archangel Oracle. He message is right on with what they told me. So I smiled and thanked them once more. I love when things line up that way.
This post is different than what I normally post about but I could not leave out a part of it. Its message needed to be shared. And I am just the messenger sharing it. We all can be. If we choose to stop and listen.
It’s been four days since my Reiki attunment and the things it is helping me with and clearing out and bringing to the surface has been so incredible. As well as thought provoking and eye opening. Energy healing truly is powerful stuff. More so when I have gotten myself to a place to being open to it helping and changing my life. When I first got attuned to it I was not open to it. So it could not truly help me. Fully.
Naturally these energies that are swirling around within me, moving things out, and rising up within me, have my thinking about a more pure, innocent time in my life. When I was free to be myself and live my own life. Over the years I lost that joy and innocence. I went from believing in myself and not caring about what the world thought of me, and wanting me to be, to being stuck in pilot over what the world thought about me. We spend the vast majority of our lives being whom we are told to me, and not what we are meant to be. Or even who we want to be. We spend all our time and energy pleasing everyone else we stop listening to ourselves to please us. We end up thinking and feeling it’s selfish to take care of ourselves. The thing we tell ourselves.
Naturally when we stop listening to ourselves we lose that spark and that passion for life. Such was the case for me. I remember a time, vaguely that is, when one of the things I loved, believe it or not, was long division. I remember being really good at it, and could solve those problems very quickly. I used to race the students in my class, and even the teacher. And being the first one to solve the problem. Back then I did not care about anything else when I was doing those problems. Did not care if I would be good enough, or fast enough. I believed in myself. I trusted and listened to myself. Something I would forget along the way of my life. It brought me so much joy to do long division. So much passion and love.
Eventually I would move to a different town and a different school. Where I would try to show my abilities with long division, and he told that my handwriting was too sloppy when I wrote and to slow down. In one swift move I would lose that spark, that innocence, and that joy. After that incidence I never really enjoyed math again. I allowed someone else to dictate my happiness, my feelings, and control how I do things. I allowed them to take my power away and rob me of my innocence. Sadly it would not be the last time that would happen in life.
So that is what Reiki is helping me to do again. Helping me to get back to that state of joy, that state of innocence and bliss. Where I believe in myself and trust myself. Even love myself and what I can do. I have been reminded of that state. Of what it is and was like to be in that awareness of being. To embrace my own way of being and living. Instead of someone else’s way.
I am finding that now. I am finding that love, that bliss, and belief in myself. And for the first time since a child I am finding that passion and love for what I do and will do. It has been an incredible journey that has been so eye opening and transformative that I am beyond grateful for and thankful for. I now know deep down there is so much more to myself and living. I just forgot what I already knew. As most of us do.
It’s my time to be me. To live my own life. Free of what others tell me. I will make mistakes. I will fall down. But more importantly I will try and I will do it my own way now.
It’s my life. And it’s worth living.
One of the things I never expected with healing myself and with Reiki was that it would cause me to confront myself. It would cause me to take a very hard and good look at myself. Something I would never do. I never realized how many walls I put up, how deep the rabbit hole went within myself, or even how many inner demons I would have and would eventually have to face. If I were to have my life back. I never realized how many inner demons were preventing me from having a truly happy and abundant life. I guess somewhere along the lines I got it within myself that I was not worthy of that. I was. I not worthy of love or of happiness or doing something I truly loved and was passionate about.
Working on myself with crystals and going deeper within myself with Reiki and crystal bowls, has really cut through the murk and the gunk within me to really help me to see. To truly see myself. For the first time. To see that wounded self is so raw and so empowering in the sense that this person can be so much more if it is loved and taken care of. Something we seldom do. We get beat down and we end up leaving ourselves there. I know I did, and I’m sure I am not the only one.
As I am still feeling the energies of reiki from my attunment yesterday and while I was out driving today, I started to think about life and its harshness and how, well at times it does basically suck… But that it is a great thing. It provides us with so much growth and learning and understanding. It helps guide us, if we allow it, to become something great. More than we ever could have thought or dreamed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy. And for some they can be so broken down, that they never recover in this life. I was one of those people myself. I am thankful to be where I am now. It was not easy and at times I almost did not make it here. There is great beauty and joy within this world and in living. We are all like little lumps of coal trying to become diamonds. And when we do, do we shine brilliantly.
There is a Buddhist teaching that I have always loved, “Life is painful. Suffering is optional.” It is so true. There is going to be painful moments in our lives. Losing a job, someone we loved breaks up with us, or we lose a loved one to death. Yet from those ashes we can be reborn into something truly remarkable if we allow it to help us grow.
Most of the harshness of life is the result of us and the way that we treat each other. Perhaps if we can understand the nature of ourselves and our growth and learning, maybe we can learn to be more accepting and encouraging to each other in their journeys. To help build them up instead of tear them down. For chances are, we’ve been in similar shoes, and know how painful things can truly be. Great compassion can arise when we can relate to another and what they go through. Perhaps if more love and hugs was shown and given we may just see that things will be alright in the end. Loving ourselves and another can go a long way in our and their lives.
I must say that I never thought I would write a blog post about Reiki on this blog. This is not the first time I have talked about it. I first talked about Reiki here. Yet here I am talking about it, happily. At first I did not want to bring this side of myself into this blog as I was not sure how people would respond or react to it. Yet I know that is silly, and I do them a disservice if I were to not talk about it.
My journey to Reiki has been an interesting one. I actually learned about Reiki back in 2007 during my journey to healing my anxiety/body/self. When you are trying to heal you are open to many things. Reiki/energy was one of them. So naturally I would get myself attuned to them. To use the energies yourself a Reiki practitioner gets themselves attuned to it. To open themselves up to allow the energies to enter into their energy system. Of course since I was really anxious back then, and unable to really do something like this in person I had to get that attunement by distance. Luckily Reiki can be done that way. One can also send those energies to someone remotely.
While those energies did open me up someone and really put me on a path of development, I will say that I did not use them much within the past almost a decade. Reiki can be used daily one oneself, their foods/drinks, even their pets. To help give them an energetic boost. While I did dabble with it off and on, I never really got serious with it or really used it. As they say if it’s not meant for us at the time we will not be drawn to it.
Thus was the case for me. I will honestly say I did not have much faith or even belief in it. In energy healing, or even the power to heal in that regard. The way my life was, and what I faced on a daily basis, it was hard to have that faith in anything. I had the attunement to Reiki in the hopes that it would “cure” me. Perhaps it may have helped had I gave it the time of day and attention in wanted from me. What can I say, patience was never my strong point. Yet, this life, has taught me patience. For where I am today with my life, my anxiety, my healing, has been a journey that has taken me a decade to get here. One that has been in motion for a long, long time.
This year has been so incredible with where I have gone, and taken myself, all by being open to it. To everything. To allow in that change. To allow in that help. I now know everything happens for a reason, at the exact time it was meant to. It’s been so amazing to see how it all lines up and comes into play.
That also extended back to Reiki. A journey I started ten years ago, and did not have much faith in. Something that would seldom call me back to it, over those ten years, but something I always put off. After all I did not have that faith in it. In energy or even in healing in that regard. I have mentioned it once before how crystals really helped me with my this journey and this healing. Crystals, also something else, I dabbled in trying to heal myself. Again something else I did not really get into. Never giving them much attention. Until the last year ago. When I started to really use them on a daily basis. And boy, did they really change my life. (Should be noted that not everyone will benefit from them, or have the same results.) So with all the success I had from them, I could not deny that there may just be something to them, or to energy healing itself. Then during a conversation with a friend he was telling me about his incredible Reiki sessions he had, and how they really helped him and changed him. Which struck my fancy and made me curious. Did I really just type, struck my fancy?” So I went and set up a session to have one done on me. I was finally in a place where I could go out and get one done. I had no idea what to expect but I was open to it, and had hope in it working.
And boy was I surprised by Reiki, and what it helped me with. How it helped clear things out, and open things up within me. Helping my release things that I no longer needed that I was clinging on to. For long, long time. Without even realizing it. They just let go, and I realized it was not worth it. To hold on to. They no longer served my highest good. That first session really helped open me up, and really made a huge difference. It really helped with feelings of peace and happiness, that was deeper than anything I had thought I knew about them. Then in the second session of Reiki it went even deeper. Helping me release things that I was fighting with, that went, IMO, well beyond this life I am living now. Into lives I had before this one. And in doing so. So much just faded away that was within me, that helped open up more peace and joy. Where I no longer feel like I am at war with myself and others. Not that I was, mind you. Yet no, there is just a serene feeling of bliss within me. That is incredible. I now can not say that Reiki and energy healing does not work. I have felt and experienced it, and it has changed my life in so many ways. It has truly helped me to reclaim my own power and is helping me to return to my authentic self. And it feels incredible. I look forward to wear it will take me and who I will become.
After being so impressed and humbled by Reiki and healing energies I decided to get a re-up and get reattuned to the Reiki energies. This time in person. It was another incredible experience where I am left with more peace, more bliss, and such a strong sense of gratitude and blessed by life and the universe. That it would be a crime that I not talk about it here for others who may also want to change their life for the better. Now I can not guarantee that you will have the same results as me. There are no real guarantees in life that are not taxes or death. All I can do is share my experiences with you and allow you to make up your own mind about them.
If you are interested then do a google search about Reiki and see what you learn, or find a class or person that is offering it in your area. If you are in Southern NJ, these fine places offer it, and I recommend them all. On Angels Wings MM.LLC, Reiki my Yoga, In the Zone Wellness.
Your life may just change for the better. That is what this is all about. Change and bettering ourselves and our lives.
The big 3-0. This weekend marks the last weekend of September already. Next weekend will be the first of October. This year has just been zooming by. I have accomplished so much, and seen so much, that I can hardly believe it. Luckily I have documented each trip on this blog. So it’s nice to look back at what I have done and where I have been. While I keep on moving forward and exploring life.
This week I would travel out again to Oaks, Pa, to the Greater Expo center, to check out their Retro-con. I would travel out with two of my closest friends. I was already at this place earlier in the year when I went to Lego Brick Fest. This time they would be hosting collectibles in cartoons, movies, video games, and more. It was a lovely stroll through memory lane looking at all the old He-Man, Transformers, and Thundercats action figures that I had as a child, then trying to hold myself back from buying some. That was not an easy task as their was so many of them that I could have easily snatched up and bought. By some act of God, I was able to keep myself sated and not buy anything. Do not ask me how. But I did it.
There was so many toys, and games, and so much to see and look at. It brought back so many joyful memories that I had. Saturday’s as a child was a great time for me. I used to love to get up early, before anyone else would, turn on Captain Noah, and watch Saturday morning cartoons. It was a great time, growing up in the eighties, there was so many great cartoons then. On every channel. I call it, the Golden Age of cartooning. Sadly that time is no longer here. Kids of this generation do not know the joys of seeing such great shows each week. If they are lucky they can find a place that streams them, or attend one of these conventions and buy a bootleg or two. The last convention I was at I did just that, and bought Darkwing Duck. It was great seeing all those things again. It was like being a child again. Of course I can not understand the whole collectible thing. I mean to not play with a toy. Well that is just crazy if you ask me. Toys need to be played with.
After that we stopped at Red Robin Gourmet burgers and got a bite to eat. I continued to eat healthy and had a lovely grilled chicken salad. That is the one thing I miss about eating poor food choices, was the convenience they offer. You can go ANYWHERE and buy crap food, and processed junk. It takes more planning to eat healthy when you go out. It can be done just trickier. But it’s so much more worth it. To eat healthy and be healthy. We then had some great conversation with some great friends. It was a great day, and a great way to end the week. In my younger days, and twenties/early thirties, I did not get to have this type of experience. Where I could be out 5 hours with friends, and eat, and have fun. It was unheard of. I am so thankful to have been able to do this, that this words can not truly convey the feelings I have, and had, with this day. I completely grateful and happy for this. To be able to get out and do something like this. It means so much. These are memories that will last a lifetime.
Look at that. This is my third blog post this week. In bowling they would call that a Turkey. Gobble gobble… Hmm. I think I made that joke before. Poor form chap. 50 points from Gryffindor. And 25 from Slytherin, just because.
Being true to you. Is something I have struggled with for some time in my life. More aptly being who I choose to be. For so long I was always trying to be who I thought I should be or who others said I should be, or even tried to be who they wanted me to be. Sadly that is how life becomes for us. We lose who we are. We lose sight of what we wanted to do or be in life and we just life an empty shell of existence trying to please everyone else except our selves. Why is it so hard to do something for ourselves? Why is it we would rather put others needs over our own? Do we find it selfish to take care of us? I think for many of us we do think it would be selfish to give ourselves some attention. What I do know is not being true to us robs us of some of our happiness.
That was true for me. I had spent so long trying to be someone I wasn’t that I stopped being who I was and was miserable the whole time. Even worse you start to hate those who changed you and deep down that hate ends up getting turned on us. We start to hate us and who we become.
It was not until I started to embrace myself and what I loved and enjoyed did I start to find that happiness within myself. It was not easy to embrace myself. As I had lived so long in that fear of being me that I was afraid of being rejected or ridiculed for my beliefs, or because I have more shirts with nerdy graphics on them, like Transformers or duck tales, than shirts that are plain. We spend so much time trying to conform and fit in that we are willing to give up ourselves and our identities in the process.
It can be scary being true to us in a society that wants us to conform. Where it wants us to be who they think we should be regardless of what we want to be. After all how many work in a job or field they do not truly want to be in? I know I have. It can be scary going against the grain so to speak. Standing up for yourself and speaking ones own truth. I struggled with that a few times with this blog and wondering what I should post about. Should I not mention that I took Reiki sessions, or that I do Oracle card readings for others, and am apparently pretty good at it. Then I realize st the end of the day. The only person I have to please the most and live with, is myself. I have to live with my decisions and actions. It is me that stares back when I look into the mirror and it is my life. I choose to be happy now. I choose to life my own life. The one I can look back in fondly and smile.
Who knows it may catch on and others may too choose to live their own lives for a change.
Perhaps if we all took that time to be who we choose to, we may love ourselves a little bit more. Perhaps if we loved ourselves fully we would be nicer to others and not lash out at them. Can we hurt another if we truly loved ourselves? If you are fully of love how can you purposely attack another? Perhaps if we loved ourselves we would stop the bullying and mean behavior towards another. Perhaps life would be all the sweeter if we lived that way.
This journey I have been on for the last year plus has taught me so much about myself, life, and my way of living. It has caused me to look within more than I ever thought I would or should. This year has taught me to look at myself and life differently. I had to basically take everything I knew about myself and throw it out the window. And I am glad I did. My life has changed in so many ways that I never thought it would or could. Yet it has and then some.
It was not easy to get to where I am today. It has taken me a long long time to get to where I am today. I failed more times than I could count. I got sidetracked many a time and out off till tomorrow more times than I will admit. There was many times I quit and gave up on it all. Through it all, the ups and the downs there was one constant that I always had to do, I had to take that leap of faith. Regardless of what that leap was or where it would take me. I had to take it. I had to jump. The journey of a thousand miles always starts with that first step. The first step is the scariest, and the hardest to take. Yet if we want anything in our life we must take that step.
The other day when I went roller skating for the first time in twenty plus years I was reminded, I have to take that step. I have to choose life, in this case something new, over fear. I could not let fear consume me and cause me to not do it. I am glad that I chose to do this, and chose to try it, and had fun in the process. Had I not taken that first step to take myself out places I would never have been able to get to that place to try it. I would have just sat on the sidelines and let life roll past me on roller skates. Life is not about sitting on the sidelines, it’s about exploring, and learning, and growing. Will we always succeed at after thing we do, no, but we still made the effort to try it, and at the end of the day, we can smile happily knowing we tried it and did our best. If we fall down, we can pick ourselves up and try it either again or something else.
This year has shown me how amazing life can be and that it can surprise you in more ways than you thought or even dreamed of. I never thought I would be able to, or even knew how to, it would have been so much easier to just say no, or make an excuse. Yet I took those leaps anyways. I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone. I took myself further and further. Pushing the bar more and more. Doing so has changed myself and my view of life and living. It has given me experiences and memories that will last a lifetime. Now when I look back fondly over my life I can see that I have for the first time ever accomplished much in life and will accomplish more when I continue to take those leaps.
When it’s all said and done we can then look back at life, smile, and have no regrets, because we leaped. We tried. And we did. We did plenty. Life was good. Life was fun.