Yes, I can.

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One of the many questions I have asked myself and God/Universe over the years of my life was why was I born like this? Why was I unable to live a regular normal life? Why could I not eat this food or that food? Why did I struggle with so much anxiety/fear? Why was I so different then everyone else I knew? Why does everyone else get to have a happy regular life, while I was stuck suffering? What was the point of still living? … That was the biggest question that I struggled with for so long. What was the point of me still living?

I think for most of us that have endured or struggled or have been pained in our lives that is what we find ourselves asking. Well, most of us, anyways. To get to where I am today it took a long, long, journey to get here. It was not something that just happened overnight. As much as I prayed and begged for that to be the case. Where I am at today is a culmination of a ten year journey of health, healing, and understanding. For that is what life is about really. This is just the start of my journey and it will be a life long journey. I have no idea where it will take me, it is both exciting and scary all at once. But I look forward to those surprises and where life will take me. One of the things I heard so much during my soul searching, for that is really what is was, learning myself, and learning who I am, and bettering myself, was that life is about lessons. I used to hate that answer. That it was all a lesson for growth and to teach us and others something. I HATED it. It was so cold and unfeeling to me. For a person that struggled like me, to just tell me it was all a lesson, or a parent that sees their child suffer through an illness, or be taken from cancer, is not a pleasant thing to tell them. It was all a lesson. Chances are, they would probably pop you in the nose.

Yet, today I understand more and more about the lessons that we face in life and that we endure. Today while I was out taking a walk I realized how this all, everything I went through, everything I endured, was meant to be. It was what I needed to experience and feel. It was, lessons for me in this life. Without them I would not have been able to get to where I am today. I would not have the understanding that I have acquired in this life, and would not be able to share this all with you, and help others get through what they do. I could not be a beacon of hope and compassion for others in their times of need. Some days when we are faced with truth it smacks us in the face. That is what it did for me. Does it all make sense, no, it does not. Nor could I possible understand why a child get cancer. Life is both pleasant and sad all in one. But I do understand is what it is like to suffer and be in a low place in life. I know what it’s like to be so far rock bottom that it felt like there was no hope of ever being more than that. My life has taught me and shown me so much yet it is only the beginning of what this life will have to offer. I could not be here, at this place in my life, with this understanding and awareness, without every painful step that I went through. Without trudging through the mud, without suffering to see and know that it does not last forever.

When I set off in June of 2015 to change my life I had no idea where that would take me. I had no idea if I could make a difference in my life. I did not have that belief that I could. I had hoped that I would. I wanted more, and knew deep in my heart that I deserved better than what I had in life. As I truly believe we all deserve. Will things be 100% and perfect all the time? No, but we can have joy and experiences miracles all over our life.

When I set off I had no idea I could do it. Or that I could do anything. I had no idea where it would take me. I never thought I could. Yet today I see that I can. I never would have thought I could take a vacation and have fun during. Yet, I could and I did. I took two vacations this year. I never thought this blog would really go anywhere or that it would take off and become something. Yet yesterday I wrote my 70th article for it this year. This makes 71. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I did do it. This year has taught me so much about myself it has helped me gain courage and hope. It has shown me what I can do if I try. That gives me so much hope for the future and the main things I will do. All because now I know, yes I can.

So now what can you do?

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2 thoughts on “Yes, I can.

    aliada2 said:
    August 5, 2017 at 6:37 am

    Been reading a number of your posts at a go… gotto say we are similar in many ways… thank you for writing as you do…

    Like

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