It’s been four days since my Reiki attunment and the things it is helping me with and clearing out and bringing to the surface has been so incredible. As well as thought provoking and eye opening. Energy healing truly is powerful stuff. More so when I have gotten myself to a place to being open to it helping and changing my life. When I first got attuned to it I was not open to it. So it could not truly help me. Fully.
Naturally these energies that are swirling around within me, moving things out, and rising up within me, have my thinking about a more pure, innocent time in my life. When I was free to be myself and live my own life. Over the years I lost that joy and innocence. I went from believing in myself and not caring about what the world thought of me, and wanting me to be, to being stuck in pilot over what the world thought about me. We spend the vast majority of our lives being whom we are told to me, and not what we are meant to be. Or even who we want to be. We spend all our time and energy pleasing everyone else we stop listening to ourselves to please us. We end up thinking and feeling it’s selfish to take care of ourselves. The thing we tell ourselves.
Naturally when we stop listening to ourselves we lose that spark and that passion for life. Such was the case for me. I remember a time, vaguely that is, when one of the things I loved, believe it or not, was long division. I remember being really good at it, and could solve those problems very quickly. I used to race the students in my class, and even the teacher. And being the first one to solve the problem. Back then I did not care about anything else when I was doing those problems. Did not care if I would be good enough, or fast enough. I believed in myself. I trusted and listened to myself. Something I would forget along the way of my life. It brought me so much joy to do long division. So much passion and love.
Eventually I would move to a different town and a different school. Where I would try to show my abilities with long division, and he told that my handwriting was too sloppy when I wrote and to slow down. In one swift move I would lose that spark, that innocence, and that joy. After that incidence I never really enjoyed math again. I allowed someone else to dictate my happiness, my feelings, and control how I do things. I allowed them to take my power away and rob me of my innocence. Sadly it would not be the last time that would happen in life.
So that is what Reiki is helping me to do again. Helping me to get back to that state of joy, that state of innocence and bliss. Where I believe in myself and trust myself. Even love myself and what I can do. I have been reminded of that state. Of what it is and was like to be in that awareness of being. To embrace my own way of being and living. Instead of someone else’s way.
I am finding that now. I am finding that love, that bliss, and belief in myself. And for the first time since a child I am finding that passion and love for what I do and will do. It has been an incredible journey that has been so eye opening and transformative that I am beyond grateful for and thankful for. I now know deep down there is so much more to myself and living. I just forgot what I already knew. As most of us do.
It’s my time to be me. To live my own life. Free of what others tell me. I will make mistakes. I will fall down. But more importantly I will try and I will do it my own way now.
It’s my life. And it’s worth living.