This week is the last week of 2016, as crazy as that is. This year has gone by so incredibly fast. The holidays were here and gone before I could even blink. This year has not been an easy one for many people. It’s also seen us in the US starting to be more divided than ever. We’ve also lost some good celebrities this year, just recently with Carrie Fisher, everyone’s favorite princess, and then her mother Debbie Reynolds a few days later. I can not imagine what that family is going through at this time. So for many they are hoping 2017 will be here, NOW.
For me 2016 was not all that bad. I had many firsts this year, and met some incredible people this year. I learned much about myself and realize I have a lot of healing and self work to do on myself to reach my goals. Much of that has brought about this wonderful blog for me. That allows me to speak what is on my mind, an important thing to me, it allows me to share my experiences with others that may find themselves in the same shoes, and allows me to interact with them. Whether it’s on this blog on on the Facebook Page. This page has been both great and scary at the same time. Sharing some of my deepest thoughts and feelings. Something I have not really done in the past.
It has not been easy for me on this journey this year. There has been many, many, scary experiences of pushing myself and taking myself out there. I remember my first adventure out there, I went hiking in the woods. I was scared about it, and wanting to just not do it. That would have been the easiest route to take. Yet, it would have not yielded me much in the long run. Other than my “safety” of staying in. The first time I went out and took a development workshop, I wanted to run away from that. I was so anxious to be in a setting like that, with strangers, for 3.5 hours. Yet I pushed through it and kept moving forward and taking one of those workshops I met some incredible people that have quickly become good friends, and they helped propel me forward to meeting more and more people that have helped me on my journey.
That is what this journey has been about lately moving forward. Picking myself up and going forward. Though it is not as easy as it sounds. I’m a creature of habit and sometimes those habits are “poor” habits, and I want to just eat my stress away with foods, or run away and hide in the bed all day. I am getting better at that and making better choices in life. Luckily now when I eat my stress away, I’m eating fruits, and not candy bars.
Which brings me back around to where I was going with all of this as I seem to have gone on a tangent there, the end of the year. Yet while this incredible year for me is coming to a close I was left with feelings of sadness and depression. Things I have struggled with in the past. Of all the things I have faced over the years from panic to anxiety, depression is probably one of the worst. I would not wish it on anyone. It’s also something I don’t really talk about with anyone. My struggles and journey has always been my own so I have fought and faced many a thing on my own and have found my own strength through it all. I guess I have never been one to really share my emotions with others, have always kept them to myself. Now I am using this forum to really share what is on my mind.
Depression sucks. Point blank. If I could I would punch it right in the face, if it had a face, or if I was a violent man. Some would say, Jason, what do you have to be depressed about? You’ve lived a great year. Done things many would be jealous of. I would say, well you are right on that, but some times even those who have it all, can get depressed. Truthfully I am not even sure what exactly caused it or even why. Maybe it’s the end of the year and a reminder of where I am in life at this time. Maybe it’s because I am on vacation from work until the 5th and I realize eventually I will have to go back to work, which I do not want to. Depression is funny like that. It can come out of nowhere and for whatever reason it just sneaks up on you. Maybe it’s the new moon that is out there. Sure, let’s blame the moon. We like to blame others for what happens in our life.
Though all the ups and downs over the years I have learned many things the biggest thing I have learned was to take charge of my own life and my own happiness. I could not rely on others to do it for me, as they would not. No one else can give me my happiness. Only I could. No one was going to change my life for me. No one was going to get me to take better care of myself, make better food choices, heal myself more, and go out and enjoy life. Only I could. So much like all of that, that I have done, I realized while facing this depression I would have to do that again. Any and all changes in my life I know that I have to create them. I have to put myself in places of opportunity to change them. If I want different things in life I have to work my butt off to make them happen. 2016 has taught me that. I have to put the work in to get there. There will be many people that will be willing to lend a hand and support and help me. I’ve never been one to reach out to others but it is a great thought to know they are there and are willing to help if they can.
That is what I will be doing in 2017, busting my hump all year to make my dreams a reality. To continue moving forward with my life. To learn as much as I can to grow and better myself to keep moving. Life has and will knock me down many a time over the years. I have to continue moving forward. Continue to pick myself up over and over. If I get knocked down 9 times, I will get back up 10 times. I do not know where 2017 and life will take me. Which is scary in itself. All I can do is keep moving forward. Keep going. And not quit. There has been many a time in the past where I have wanted to do just that. Quit it all. Give it up. Give up on life. I have accomplished much and I will continue to use that momentum to keep going. It won’t be easy. But then what in life is easy? Eggs over easy maybe?
The fog of depression has lifted and cleared up for me. The sun is shining within my world again. Rainbows are out. I have a lot of work to do and continue to do. I have no idea where I am going. But I will get there. I will change my life and my self for the better. I will create a life I love and love living it. Ready or not 2017 here I come.
I will be back the end of the week with a good wrap up to 2016. I hope you have enjoyed this little article, and have enjoyed my other ones as well. I am not perfect. I am human. I have ups and downs. Now I can survive the downs much better.