Month: January 2017

Adventures in going out: Week 48

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The very late edition.

This is the latest I have even written this article, while I did plenty in the week, I had become so busy and tired, that I have not had a chance to write this post. This past week has been a crazy and wild ride, and I’m not even talking about Donald Trump’s first week as president. Mind you, that also is a wild and crazy ride. It’s like one never ending episode of Punk’D and we are all doing it to ourselves. Sadly, I did not get to keep up with the one month of posting. I made it to a week and quite frankly I had nothing else to really say at the time. So I stopped it. I give myself and A for effort.

Last week was a week of lot of healing work. A lot of healing work. And as such that healing work really took it out of me. On top of me having to work one night a week at 4 AM, my sleep schedule¬† has been all over the place. The more I heal and open up the more sensitive I become and need more downtime in between things. I’m not complaining it’s allowing a lot to shift for me and helping me create a better version of me. Which is always a good thing.

The week started with some inner child healing, which was an interesting experience of working with someone to get in touch with ones inner self. I think had I have been better at relaxing, meditating, and visualizing, I would have been able to get more out of the session. However I do think it did help, and allowed me to work on some stuff within me. Which is always a blessing. I don’t know if it was the way I was reclining, or the session itself, but I ended up with some serious vertigo like symptoms, and was dizzy for a couple days. And went straight to bed as soon as I got home.

Wednesday was another day of development circle, and that is always a lot of fun. Saturday allowed me to attend another crystal bowl meditation, and that one really worked on my Sacral chakra, as well as my solar plexus. Clearing up some stuff for me, and also as usual leaving me really tired and unable to do so much. Which was fine by me as it was a tiring week of healing work. Where Sunday I would spend all morning and afternoon attending a healing workshop, which I will hopefully talk about in another post.

All in all for me, it was a good week. Very healing. A lot was cleared and let go. For the country, we are not starting our healing journey and hopefully, just hopefully, we will come out of it as a beautiful new loving creature. Who is not so focused on ourselves and our own lives but in the acceptance and love of each other.

The one thing I will say as doing all this healing work really opens my eyes to my purpose and that is of doing this healing work with and on others.

I’m 48 weeks in, and it’s amazing to see how this one year journey is actually reaching the one year mark. Exciting. I never in a million years thought I would ever be here. Life is amazing and will take you to new heights and places beyond our wildest imaginations.



Adventures in going out: Week 47.

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The Joey doesn’t share food edition.

This week had been a very cathartic week for me. It was a week of healing, and releasing and opening up. Cutting through my own walls and insecurities and fears. I feel I was able to make some good progress on it, and I am only really scratching the surface. My wounds go very deep, so I know it will take time. Of course patience has never been one of my strong suits. We will in a very rushed world. We want everything yesterday. I also know that there really is no end game to healing in life. It’s a never ending journey of discovery and learning. And then sharing it with others.

With all that healing going on I did continue to make sure I took care of myself. Allowing myself to have some fun. Like picking up Final Fantasy 15. I have not really played a Final Fantasy game since like, 7. Only merely touching them a little here and there. Like I did with Final Fantasy 10. I just could not get into it. This game is a little different than the prior games. It goes a new route than what I am used to, with the ol’ JRPG games, that was the Final Fantasy known as.

This week also started a new 8 week development course. Which I am looking forward to. These are great classes, with a good bunch of people. That have become such a big part of my life. They are also helping me heal as I go out of my comfort zones to do new things as well as help me lower my walls, brick by brick. So I am excited for them. I’ve come a long way since I started this journey.

I was also able to attend an Archangel Michael workshop, where a lovely woman channeled the angels, and we were imparted with their wisdom and guidance during this time. It was a lovely workshop. It was good to hear some of the stuff, as much of it, has been stuff that I have heard and felt to be true within myself, and from my own guides. So to hear it, from someone else, saying the same thing, was such wonderful confirmation of my own abilities.

Then I ended the week with some shopping, and visiting a healer, that will help me go deeper into myself and my healing. Working with my inner child. I am looking forward to that. I know I have a lot to work on with regards to my inner child and work on healing many of those old wounds and traumas. So that will be a good experience for me.

Now I will end this with loveLove to everyone. We certainly need more love, acceptance, and tolerance for each other right now. Let us all be together in love instead of divided by hate.

I’m safe…

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Today I had the opportunity to have a conversation with a healer as I work to heal myself more. Tear down more walls. We got to talking about my life, and all the things I have endured over the years. 

We were talking about affirmations and letting go of the old. The old ways of thinking. And one of the things the healer gave me, was “I am safe.” I am safe, and I allow myself to ____. It is certainly powerful and something I will start to use in my healing. Giving myself permission to do something new. Instead of denying myself.

Wow! Powerful stuff. 

Monday I will have a full session with her and work on my inner child. I look forward to that. And going deeper into my healing. 

It’s OK…

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Such a simple phrase. Something that seems so small, yet in truth, is quite powerful to hear. Or to even tell ourselves. 

This past week, I have been working to go deeper into myself and my healing. Taking down bricks of my emotional walls. Using EFT to help break up the old thought patterns to allow in new positive thought patterns. Each time one thing is cleared, it allows another to come up that I have not even thought about in ages. Which is allowing me to go even deeper into my healing working on various angles of it. 

During today’s meditation, I was pondering some of the stuff I was working on, and releasing. Some old wounds from past relationships with loved ones, family, and even romantic partners. Working on facing the realities of them, how they went, how they didn’t go.  I got to thinking, and had the realization, “It’s Ok.” And I was quite floored and taken aback bye such a phrase and it’s weight in my life. It’s Ok, something an anxious person never really gets to hear from others. For me, I was always told, “you’ll feel better when you get there.” Or “you can do it this one time.” Yet how I have heard something such as, it’s ok. Your feelings and worries are valid, and we understand how you’re feeling. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. It would have made such a difference in my life, as well as the lives of others. Instead of the silent judgements, and the whats’a wrong with you, and just given us a hug, and told us, it would be ok. It may have truly changed our outlooks from despair to hope. 

And really, who doesn’t like hugs? Cats maybe? Cats will cut you. But everyone else likes hug. Hugs makes everything better. 

This was a good realization for me as I peel back the many layers of my self. Coming to terms with the past. And accepting what was to allow room for what will be. 

Healing my walls…¬†

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Boxed in, I think is an apt way to describe what it feels like to live with anxiety. You’re boxed in, because you don’t want to move outside of it, well that was the case for me. 

Once that first event happens, the first time you become anxious, or “have a bad day” you want to do anything you can to not repeat it. So you put up a wall, or two, or three. You do whatever you can to keep yourself safe. When these events happen in early childhood, those walls become thicker and stronger, to keep you safe. On the positive side, if there even is one, is that your inner child, inner self, does what it can to keep you safe. So we can’t hate or be mad at ourselves for doing what we feel is best at the time. 

What happens when you keep building these walls to keep you safe, you eventually box yourself in and shut everything down. Which is what I was doing. Shutting everything down, and off, my emotions, my feelings, and gut intuition, till all you are left with, is the logical mind. That is always thinking up new ways to keep you safe. Running off of an old script that may not even be true anymore. But that doesn’t matter to the logicial mind, it’s in a continuous loop of old patterns and ways of being. Where we don’t want to change. We don’t want to stir the bee-hive. We get it in our heads that it’s not safe. This world is not safe. Eventually we end up not living anymore. We basically just go through the motions of existence. Trying to survive each day. Until the end of our days. It seems morbid and bleak.  And for me, it was. That was the life I was living…

So what can we do when we get to that state of being? I think awareness is the first step. Being aware of this is what you are doing and it’s not the best option for us. Not anymore. It may have served us well in the past, and we can be thankful for that, but now we can choose to live a different way. Sometimes it’s not easy to be aware and see this within ourselves. We become so engrossed in our minds and surviving that we don’t see anything outside of it. Sometimes we can be shown things from others, if we listen to them, and then it can hit us in the face like a stack of coins in a sock. 

This is where I find myself today, working to let go of the past. Accept it was what it was, and that I no longer need to hold on to it. I no longer need to live like that. I no longer need to be afraid of the world. I can slowly take out a brick from my walls. Slowly chisel away at them. And allow in the sun and light into my dark abyss that is my inner world. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time. Learning out ourselves and who we truly are. Not who we think we are by who we became living in fear. It’s a slow process. But it’s worth it in the end. Being free. Being unhindered. It’s something we all, living with anxiety, secretly dream for. To no longer life that way. To no longer be like that.

To be free. To be happy and really feel it. I look forward to that day and I hope you all do as well. 

Doing something new. 

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This journey I am on has always been about new things. So I am trying a new one with this blog. They with blogs to build success and consistency with them one needs to really write, and to write often. Consistency and quantity is what builds a readership and following. For me I have always been about quantity over quality. Where my posts have been meaningful and insightful. Or at least I have always hoped they would be. 
So I’m trying something new and I am going to try and write a post every day, for a month. Just to see if I could do it. Well it’s easy to just gibber jabber and post anything, but hopefully these posts will have some depth to them. This isn’t twitter after all. I’ve already written for the last few days every day, so it’s off to a good start. 

I’ve been doing more healing on myself, peeling back those layers, and working to take down my walls. I have been working with EFT, which employees tapping along the meridians to help release old emotions, feelings, fears, etc. (you can check out, to learn about EFT.) Hopefully it helps heal and release things from me. 

It’s hard to follow ones passion, when they are so closed down with fear and anxiety. I am peeling those fears and layers off and am slowly going further and further with myself and my way of living. 

My own power

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A mantra I will be using a lot as I work more on myself during the coming year. To stand firm within myself and within the world. 

As an anxious person we have a tendency to not believe in ourselves and what we can do. We doubt. We second guess. Now it’s my time. It’s my time to take my power back. To open the doors within myself. To allow myself to be happy. To be true to me. To be authentic. 

It won’t be easy. And I will probably fall a lot. But I have faith in myself and believe in me. For the first time in my life. I can do this. And I will do this. I encourage you all to take charge of yourself and your life.