Working to make change

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IMG_0647Hello, October! Hard to believe that this year is almost done already. This year has just been flying by. I have not written much this year. Not for a lack of activity but just not anything to really write about. I try to post things that have quality to them and not just quantity of post.

I don’t know about all of you by 2018 has been an intense year. There has been so much emotions. So much going on. So much pain, and turmoil, and turbulent times during this year. I also ended up fighting health challenges this year. Which was causing me to not do much. Not even do much other than, just eat bad food choices. There was a lot of ups and downs this year and a few times of not even wanting to climb back up again. Yet, despite it all, I still kept marching on and kept dancing to my own beat.

I have learned much over this year. I have learned about myself, and where I am heading in life. I have learned that for me to head anywhere in life I had to take the steps to achieve it. I had to march. I had to decide where I wanted to go and then start the process of going. For some people they are handed many gifts of opportunity and yet many of them do not fully appreciate it, or fully capitalize on it. For the rest of us we have to work hard at it. We have to put in the work. We have to put in the blood, the sweat, and the tears.

This year has been no exception to that. This year has been a major wake up call to myself. This year has been a reckoning of sorts for I knew I could not keep going the same way I was going. I knew I had to make changes and I had to take leaps. For so long fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of failure has kept me stuck in place. Fear is such a powerful thing in our lives, and it can create so much anxiety within us. For me I always seemed to have an answer as to why I couldn’t do this or that. Whether I wasn’t smart enough, whether I didn’t have the money, I didn’t have the time. Whatever it took for me to not do something. I think a lot of anxiety can revolve around us not wanting to do things too. Anxiety can be a “safe” way out of things we do not want to do. Oh, I can’t do this. I have anxiety. Boom! I’m safe. But safe does not create much change in our lives. And if we play it always safe we may miss out on that new thing because we didn’t take a risk or a chance or a gamble. Now I’m not saying go and be crazy with it. But sometimes we just need a little bit of courage, and to just take a leap. It’s no surprise then that the first card in a Tarot deck is The Fool who is about to do just that. Leap off the cliff, with no thought to where it will take him. He just has to go. He has to do something.

IMG_0646So 2018, I had to become The Fool, and I had to step out there and start doing something. I had no idea exactly what that “it” was but I had to do something. I have learned so much over the past three years of this journey of healing my mind/body/spirit and taking myself out through anxiety, that it was only logical that I work to help others do the same. That is what this blog, as well as my Facebook page is all about. Inspiration, stories, and wisdom, to help others change their lives around. So this year would see my return back to school, for the first time in 14 years, to learn about being a Holistic Integrative Health coach. I have seen first hand what it’s like to be at rock bottom, where ending life seemed at the time to be the better option. To then turning my life around to being able to live a life and do things I never thought was possible. So I know first hand that it’s possible to change life for the better. I’ve been through the struggle, and I still struggle at times, and still want to give up at times out of frustration and fear. But I still come through it. I still march on, and I love to help others heal their lives. And change their lives for the better. Because I’ve been there and I know it’s possible. I know we are capable of great things in our lives.  I look forward to that part of my life. Hopefully it will help take me from a career that is not heart centered to a career that is heart centered and I love. I have a passion and a love for helping others heal and better themselves. And if I can help someone change their life than I will have lived a good life.

This year also saw me step really far out of my comfort zone and into the role of mentor/teacher as I taught my first ever Reiki class to 4 beautiful souls. I never really ever saw myself as being a teacher as I always saw myself as not being good enough. That ego brain, always wanting to take us down a notch or two. As Jack Canfield said, “everything you want is on the other side of fear.” For me to get to a better place in life  I had to work through the fear. I had to do something different. The way I was living was certainly not working for me. I had to believe in myself and take the leap into teaching a class. And I did. I taught a class for 5 hours. And we even all went to eat during the class. Hard to believe that it wasn’t too long ago where I was afraid just to attend a workshop/class and now I was teaching my own. It was such an empowering day and moment to be able to step out of my shell out of my comfort zone and into a new person so to speak. It showed me and let me see that I am capable of so much. I am capable of more than I knew and thought. I just had to try. I had to get out there and just do it. Teaching that class has shown me I can do anything I set my mind to. It gave me the courage to believe more in myself and that it is possible to make dreams come true.

Life isn’t always how we thought it would be. I’m certainly nowhere where I thought I’d be in life. And that’s OK. Because life and myself have different plans. I chose to take the longer, more all over the place route in life. There is no competition to get to the end first. We all end up in the same place at the end. It’s a matter of living life. And not letting life live you. After all this time I have starting to live life. It’s scary not knowing what will happen. If things will change all together. If things will be different. If after 19 years I will ever get out of my job. If I will ever date anyone ever again. I don’t have answers to those questions. All I can do is try. Do something. Do anything. Make a noise. Make a splash and maybe, just maybe, life will surprise me with something I never even imagined. It’s already taken me to places I never thought of. And this is only the beginning.



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