thanks

Goodbye 2017… Hello 2018.

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2018_change

Wow! What a year in the books for me, and hopefully for you as well. It’s crazy to think that 2017 is coming to an end. And 2018 is getting ready to pounce on us. It feels like the year just started, and now, it’s over faster than Christmas break when you are a kid. This year had a lot of firsts for me, and I did things in 2017 that I never thought I would.

It’s been two years since I started my journey of healing my life, and changing everything. I never thought where I am today would be where I would end up. When I started this journey I was alone. Sure, I had a small selection of close friends, but it was just me. This was a journey I had to take. This was something I had to do for myself. I needed to do it. I set out to change my life. I set out to go beyond my anxiety. I set out to go beyond my depression. I set out to live my life and be more than an anxious/depressed person. I was not living up to my potential. I was not living at all. I was existing. I was going through the motions. Day in. Day out. Repeat.

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Blessed by friends…

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This week I got to be reminded of how fortunate I am to have such good people in my life. People I can call friends. For so long that term was used so seldom. Now I am blessed to have many in my life that support me, are there for me, understand me, and just allow me to be me. Not wanting me to be someone I am not. This week I got to spend a few nights hanging out with them, just laughing, telling stories, and bettering ourselves. For that I am grateful.

I have many walls still in place, and I have lots of work to do on me to take down my dependence on those walls. I believe and know I can be free of them.  Now I am fortunate to have those willing to help me, and are there enjoying that ride with me. Watching me grow and become a better person. Truthfully I probably could not have done it without them. So I wanted to take a moment to just thank them for coming into my life, teaching me, and growing with me. I look forward to where life takes us all in our journeys.

I am thankful that just two years ago, I was so anxious, so fearful, so broken, that I couldn’t even be out with friends in a place for a few hours just shooting the breeze all night like. And yesterday I did just that. I have come so far and am so thankful for it all.

Tomorrow I will have a write up of my weekly adventures. I have many more stories to tell with this blog, and hopefully I can start writing more. I’ll keep this post short.

One last note if you are looking for something to watch I recommend, Stranger Things, on Netflix. It is a wonderful show that really just draws you in to keep on watching it, without even realizing they are doing it. It’s an odd, strange, and bizarre show, that starts off slow, but really picks up, and hooks you, in episode 4 and on. So check it out, I love the way they captured the 80’s in, and the nerd in me loved the Dungeons and Dragon’s references. Speaking of which, I am off to watch the old animated series. Enjoy your weekend.

 

 

Adventures in going out: Week 43

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happy-holidays
Not sure who created this photo.

The Ho Ho Ho edition.

This week has been a fun week and a tiring week all at once. This week was not a week that I did much going out all over the place. I did get the opportunity to go for dinner with a group of friends this week. When we get together it is always a fun time. The energy is just so electric when we are together that so many good times and memories are had.

Most of this week has been about shopping for the holidays. As I sit here and write this blog post on Christmas morning. I did not get the time to really write it last night as I was incredibly busy. I was hosting Christmas eve dinner for my family. So I spent the majority of the day either cooking, or cleaning up after I cooked. I make a wickedly delicious lasagna, and I don’t even get to have any. As I don’t eat those foods, they don’t agree with me. Dairy and Gluten. The holidays have always been a fun time for me, I have so many incredible memories of this time of year. The magic and the love that is within the air during this time is just so lovely. For some, it’s stress, misery, and family arguments, and spending too much money, and going into debt. For others they are saddened by the loss of their loved ones, who can not be with them on the holiday. I still remember the last Christmas we got to spend with my mom, she was sick during it, and shortly after the holiday she took a turn for the worst. And passed the second of January back in 01. We were lucky  that we got to spend one last Christmas morning with her. Of course at the time you don’t really appreciate that. We always end up taking for granted those precious  moments we have with everyone over the years. So, today tell a loved you one you love them. Be thankful for the moments and memories you get to create with them. For it’s all so finite the amount of time we have with each other on Earth.

Even with all of that, I don’t really even think of that around this time of year. I remember all the good times and memories, for those are what last with us. She loved this time of year, as do I. She spent so much time and energy cooking, and baking, and then having everyone over. And now I carry on some of that with me to this day, as I cook and bake, and have family over. Cooking the foods, and the desserts she did. Christmas eve dinner was one of my favorite times of the year. As we all got together Christmas eve, ate good food, told silly stories and jokes, and played games with each other. No matter how stressful life was, how many arguments or fights that occurred with each other, it didn’t matter that day. All that went away that day as we all came together and just had that. That was the magic of Christmas to me. The love, the giving, and the sharing that was always flowing those few days, was always incredible. The thrill of going out and finding that one perfect gift for a loved one, and the giddiness that builds inside while you wait for them to open it. That’s the hardest part for me these days waiting until I can give them my gift.

This year has been an incredible year for me and the best gift I got this year was the incredible people I have met and now have the privilege of calling friends. I never expect that with all of this, with my journey, and my travels. I set out to better myself and push my self beyond what I thought was my limits. And in the process I learned so much about myself and meet people that I am thankful for and have impacted my life in so many ways. They are the best gift I could have ever received. That to me is what these holidays are all about. It’s not the amount of money we spend on each other, or the fancy things we get, it’s about the memories, the love and joy, that we give and receive this time of year. And the ability to experience that with people that mean the most to you, and are a part of your life, makes it so much more incredible. Even if we fight with each other the rest of the year. That is something that can not be bought. It’s something that can be felt and shared freely. If we could take that love for each other and continue to hold that magic in our hearts each and every day this world would not feel so harsh and abrasive. We would know that it’s going to be alright.

So thank you all for the love, the shares, the likes, and for reading this blog over the past year. It has been a whirlwind of a year for me, and from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for it all. I truly do. No matter what holiday you celebrate, whether it’s Christmas, Yule, Hanakkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Festivus, Anyone I missed, or nothing at all, I hope your day(s) is a wonderful one, full of love, kindness, joy, and merry blessings.

 

Adventures in going out: Week 39

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The Do you believe in Magic Edition.

After being sick and spending a week in bed it was nice to finally get back into the groove of things. I did take it slow this week. While I was still recovering from being sick and my stomach adjusted back into its normal patterns. This week was also Thanksgiving for us in the USA. I was doing a meal for myself and my dad. I have been doing that for 4 years now and have enjoyed doing that. Never thought I would enjoy cooking yet here I am. It was nothing huge mind you as it was for only two people. Because of the way my stomach works I have limited myself to eating certain foods so I do not get to enjoy all of the things I normally would on Thanksgiving, such as Stuffing. I did make some exceptions and have cranberry sauce. I don’t normally eat added sugars of High fructose corn syrup. I also had some Waldorf Salad. Apples are a fruit I can’t eat normally. While my body was off a little after eating them it was not too bad. And I am completely thankful for that.

After dinner I would hose desserts and more of my family would come over for that. Much pie, and cookies, and fruity pebbles treats were consumed that night. I stayed healthy and did not have any of that and only had fruit instead. It’s not easy staying healthy during the holidays when so many bad foods are out. It helps knowing what it will do to my body and my mind to consume it. Without them my life has improved so much. I do not want to go back to that life ever again. I love the new me. I love being able to do these weekly adventures. I love being able to have fun and go places. Like investigating a cemetery for a few hours at night. I would not be able to do that before and now that I can I choose to not go back to it ever again. So if it means giving up those foods that only really provided me a quick thing than so be it. After desserts we would play some Legend of Zelda edition Yahtzee. Yes, it’s a real thing. I, of course, did not do well in that game. I game in last I believe. The only thing that makes sense is cheating. Lots of cheating. I will make a motion with the gaming committee to investigate this. I will get to the bottom of it. LOL. Fun was had all around. I can’t even recall the last time, if there ever was a time, of playing games with family like that. It was a nice change of pace. Hopefully we will continue out game shenanigans at Christmas time. Growing up some of my fondest memories were of family getting together for the holidays. Families fight, and yell, and shout at each other. Many times we don’t agree with each other or even get along most of the time. Yet at the holidays we all come together and enjoy the company of each other. We create those wonderful moments with each other. While in many of those times there is still the yelling and carrying on but that magic of it all just makes it worthwhile. We won’t remember much in our lives over the years. But those memories we make they stay with us. It’s not easy continuing such things or keeping those traditions over the years. We get married we have families and we start our own little traditions with our families we start. So when people can get together like this it is something that can be cherished and remembered fondly.

And just like that another holiday has come and gone. This year has moved by so incredibly fast. Probably my fault from all the fun I have been having. I would say I was sorry for making time move so fast but I’m not sorry. I am having the time of my life. For the first time ever in my life.

Saturday would be another day of adventure. Well a small day of adventure as I would take myself out to the movies to see Fantastic Beasts and where to find them. I got my Nerd on. Overall it was a good movie. It was very dark in tone and nature and as such was more adult than the Harry Potter films. So in that regard it did not have the same charm as those movies did, IMO. It was nice to be back in that Wizarding World once more. Which I believe is said to be a few movies, with talks of up to five movies. We shall see where this franchise goes from here.

After the movies I would go over a friends house and we would play some Nintendo Wii video games. Some Super Mario All-stars and some Wii Bowling. Followed by a game of Skip-bo. It was a nice way to end the week and was very relaxing and just what I needed after being sick for a week. Next weekend I will be running on of two Holiday Toy Drives. Where I will be doing oracle card readings, with some other talented card readers, to bring in some toy donations for Toys for Tots. I have never done anything like this so it’s a nice change of pace and a huge learning curve as I take charge and make things happen for once in my life. Normally I just do what others have created. It’s nice to step up into my own for a change. Hopefully it has a good turnout for this toy drive.

I’ve also been working with Reiki energies on myself as I work on going deeper into my healing and healing and removing blocks that I have put up over the years that have kept me safe but also kept me away from the world. I will post more about that at another time, in its own little post. As this year quickly comes to an end I prepare for an even better 2017. Going even further within myself for my healing.

Giving Thanks.

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In the United States we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving, where we gorge ourselves on Turkey, cranberry sauce. Mmmmm, cranberry sauce… ::droolls:: Wait, what was I talking about? Right… Giving thanks.

For many of us this time of year besides getting together with family and having giant feasts we reflect on all that we have and give thanks for it. This year has been incredible for myself. I could not in my wildest dreams imagine that this year would be so incredible for me.

Back in June of 2015 I set out to change my life for the better. I had no idea how I would do that or even if I could. I set out to heal my life. Grabbed some healing crystals, kept them on me constantly, and set out to change my life. I changed my life in so many ways. I went from a self destructive, isolated life, of eating more junk food than healthy real foods. Staying inside all the time, by myself, to eating healthy foods, losing 85 pounds, and going out all over the place with friends of mine. Friends I have met through this crazy journey. That have been with me for so much of it and have supported so much of this journey and have helped me grow. When I set out I was lone with this all. I was content with that. I never saw myself making friends out there and I am so glad I did. I am so glad I put myself out there. Took a random workshop, at a random place, and kept that ball and momentum moving. As it has taken me to so many fun workshops with so many incredible and gifted people. All like minded and supportive. I am thankful for them all.

I did not expect much from this journey I did not know what to expect truthfully. I guess it was good to not have expectations so I would not end up disappointed. Back in March I pushed myself even further by taking myself out weekly on a weekly adventure. I thought once a week was a good start and truthfully, once a week seemed so scary. And I thought it was something I could not do. Yet, this past week, I just finished my 38th week out there. Most of the time, I go out 3-4 times a week. I am thankful for that. Thankful that I surpassed my own expectations and then some.

This year I have tried many new things with my healing from working with crystals, to going to healing crystal bowl meditations, to having Reiki done on myself, to a Gong Bath. All being so helpful and tremendous in my healing and growth opening me up to new things and feelings. Allowing me to finally start to open up and feel. I am thankful for that.

This year I have started to take more action in my life and take more charge. For so long I have been a follower, that grunt worker, and now I am stepping into roles of leadership and charge. It’s completely out of my comfort zone and what I have seen myself as being. So much so that next Month I am running two Holiday Toy Drives, for Toys for Tots. I have so many people helping me do this and helping out. I am thankful for their help and their support. I am thankful for these opportunities to become more in life and be more.

This year I have gotten over so many fears and anxieties, and insecurities. Where I can be more confident with myself and within myself and what I can and could do. When I started this year I did not believe in myself and did not think I was good enough. Now I am learning to see and know I am worthy and good enough and capable for these things. I am still learning and growing and I look forward to where my life will take me in 2017 and the upcoming years. I am no longer living a life of defeat and am working to make it a life worth living and for that I am completely thankful for it.

I will get to spend the holiday with family. I cook dinner for me and my dad. And will host dessert with my family, and play some card games. I feel me kicking butt and taking names in Phase 10. LOL.

Enjoy this time with loved ones.

I am thankful.