“I vant all of your Reese’s Peanut Butter cups”
May you all have a Happy Halloween, Samhain, Day of the Dead. 👻💀🎃
(Try not to eat too much candy today.)
The adventure continues, with a journey through anxiety and meeting people. In comic form. Sorry that the writing is a little crooked there. Or perhaps it’s me that’s a little wonky.
Eye contact is something I have struggled with for a long, long time. A lot of it does stem from self esteem issues. Something that many who suffer with anxiety are also plagued with. A lot of that self esteem issues stem from being teased growing up, or hearing that I was ugly. And when you hear it enough you start to think other people think it about you. Which makes trying to make eye contact so much more challenging.
Yet like most anxious thoughts these are really just our own thoughts that are playing out. When truthfully some people are jerks, but they have no power over us, unless we give them that power over us.
And yes I do wonder… “are my eyebrows on fleek?” Can eyebrows be “too on fleek” that it intimidates people? Ha ha. 😜
Growing up cartoons were always my escape. When anxiety was rough, or the world was tough, I turned to cartoons and animation. They got my through so many of my rough times as a child and adult really. I’ve always connected with them and I’ve always loved to draw.
So I thought to myself “why don’t you use art as a form of expressing how I feel?” This blog has been so therapeutic for me it’s been such an outlet to allow me to vent what I am feeling. And to share with others who have been through or are going through the same thing. I have met so many like minded people and they have shared so many stories as I have.
You use Courage. It’s super effective!
Hello Sunday. The last day of the weekend, and the first day of the week. Sunday usually one of the worst feeling days of the week. You want to have fun this day, but you realize that Monday looms a dark shadow over it. So too much fun and the day is over and you are back to work. Sunday is the day we end up just trying to have fun but not have fun. So it usually ends up laundry day. Well it usually was for me.
Today I wanted to change up all that monotony and do something on the fly. Spur of the moment kind of thing. I had been wanting to see The secret life of pets for a little while now, and my sister had mentioned she wanted to see a movie while she was visiting, and since I was not feeling too hot yesterday I thought, why not, let’s do a movie today. Who is this guy doing something so crazy, and without a plan, and at the last minute? I don’t know this guy.. But he sounds kind of cool.
In times past I would never even have considered the idea of doing something like this. Something without a plan. Something last minute. Yet today I defied all my laws of reason I had created and decided to go out to the movies with my sister. I even ate lunch before going out. My whole life if I had to go out I would never eat. That was adding more fuel to the fire of my anxiety and that something could make me sick if I ate it. So I would not eat, and not really drink. And hope and pray that I could make it though it all. These days I am able to relax more and more before hand and go out and enjoy these things with foods/drinks in me. I actually had lunch and breakfast before. That would never have happened in the past. Thanks to going out more and more I have given myself confidence and courage with my self and doing this and that has opened more and more doors.
I went out and I had a good time. The movie was cute. It was better than I thought it would be. Of course we were last minute and now theaters have recliners and reserved seating so we had to sit within the first three rows. Seriously why do theaters even add those rows? You can barely see the screen. We had to be sneaky and sit back a row behind us in the handicap section. Which is reserved.. Shhhh, you didn’t read anything.
Most importantly I got to go out, see a movie with my sister, and create wonderful memories in the process. I believe this may actually be the first time in my entire life that I have ever done something alone with just my sister. Living with fear and anxiety had always prevented me from these types of achievements. I was missing out. I was not living. That is finally changing. I am so happy and thankful that these words are barely doing it justice.
I’m living life now. And its crazy to say it, and I would have had thunk it, that I could go out and actually enjoy being out. I never thought of my self as an outside type of person. I have always been so introverted. Going out on a Sunday, would have been so taboo. I would have made excuses to stay in. It’s the last day off. I need that down time. It’s too hot out. The grass is too green. Whatever it took. I am glad I did not. I am glad I went out. I spent time with my sister, which is rare now because she lives all many states away. I have never visited her down in her new home. I was always scared. I am getting to a place where I can. I can visit her. And so much more. All I need to do is figure out the magic spell to make it rain money.