Tonight was an outing that was different than what I normally do for my weekly adventures. This time it was a family birthday party. And it was a public place, that was outside. So not only would I be going out, there would be other people there. People I don’t really know, or even how many would be there. The idea of this in the past would be enough to create so much anxiety, that I would think about various ways to get out of it. Now with the way my life has been, how much I have improved my health, and the way I am changing my whole life, I was able to go out to a birthday party with family, and their friends, and go out and enjoy myself. Something I would not be able to do before. If I did do it, I was suffering quietly on the inside. The one thing about anxiety/panic is that we suffered while you didn’t even know it. We wondered how long we would be there, and more aptly, how long do we feel obligated to stay there before we can escape from this place and never come back. It’s even worse when it’s loved ones as you feel like you are letting them down. Being a disappointment to them. We already suffer with worry with what others think of us, now we are making it worse for ourselves.
Tonight was not like that. Tonight was different. Tonight I had freedom. I got to live. I got to spend some time with my family, and I went outside in the process. I went to Woodford Cedar Run Wildlife Refuge, in Medford. (That title is a mouthful.) I did not have to leave early. I was not checking my watch and counting down the minutes. Yes, I have done that. When I went on vacation years ago with family, I was counting the time down until I got home. That’s how bad I was living in the past. It was a horrible time for me. So now to be able to do this, to go out, to enjoy myself. It is incredible. I am loving every moment of it. I got to see some frogs, and some birds.. Lots, and lots of birds. My favorite was the Falcon, Artemis. I am a mythology geek. I never thought I would be able to go to a place like this, to go on a nature hike with people, walk around, look at animals, sit around a fire, and enjoy myself. To have fun. To be happy. I never would have thought it was possible to be happy. I am glad the universe proved me so wrong with that one. So wrong.
I will say I was disappointed that all the animals were in caged in enclosures, I was so hoping to see the animals out in the wilds. Like Pokemon.. I suppose it’s not too bad. Since they had some snakes there. I would have probably passed out had I come across one of those in the wild.
This post.. Has no puns in it. That’s not puny at all.
Boom! Nailed it.
This week marks the 8th week of going out and about. Which means I have been doing this for two months now. That in itself is a huge milestone for me and a big accomplishment. Something I never though I would ever accomplish or do. This is all new territory for me. Literally and metaphorically.
Even though this day was raining this morning some, I did not let that deter me from going out. This week I would go out and visit Batsto Village in Hammonton, NJ. There was a nice trail out there through the village. Where you could walk around and look at the old mill, and workers homes from back in the day. Many of the places were open and you could look around. I snagged a good amount of pictures there. Viewing history. I am glad that I did buy that new camera. It has been put to good use. I was surprised that there were many people out there checking it out, the rain did not stop them either.
Life sure seemed pretty miserable back then. I mean look at all those village rules. What exactly is unnecessary talking, or noise of any sort? Like is belching an unnecessary noise, what about farting? What if I had beans and a Taco for lunch and I can’t help myself? I must know the answers to these questions. 2.00 a month rent for a home. Man, oh man. That must have been nice. I can’t even buy a pack of gum for that amount of money.
I am kind of digging this buggy. It looks really quaint and a fun way to get around town. Well until you are up wind of the horse and the horse breaks wind on you. Would that also be an unnecessary noise, or are horse exempt from such Tom Foolery? Two farts jokes in one blog post. I really am breaking all types of records with myself in life. I’ve accomplished so much. And now it’s all going into the toilet.
It was a nice little trip and visit, and of course on my way home it cleared up and stopped raining. Always how it is.