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A grateful heart. A happy life.

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This week has been a celebration of life for me. More aptly this has been the anniversary of my birth. I am a year older this week, and hopefully I am a year wiser. I have certainly learned a lot this year, and have of course made a few mistakes. But each one has provided me great opportunities to grow and learn. Each of them, the good and bad, has provided me lessons that have better me. I have survived them all and am thankful for that as they have helped me to open up to more and more. And help me to allow in more in my life. 

During this week it has given me much to think about and ponder as I turn 38. While I look back upon a life that is now better lived. I can not help but to smile on where I am now in life. When I started this journey two plus years ago, I did not know where I would end up. I started with basically nothing. I was living an empty life, and had nothing to show for me. While I had some friends, and family, I was alone with them all. It’s a hollow existince to have to be surrounded by people yet be alone. 

Yet this journey has surprised me in so many ways that I can be nothing but grateful and thankful today. For all of it. In the course of that journey I have met so many incredible people that has become such important people in my life, people I can truly call friends. People that support me, care about me, are there for me, and above all of that, love me for who I am. That was a blessing I never expected to find in this journey. To be honest it was something I never thought I’d get in life. I was not looking for it, because I had come to accept that that was my life. That was the way I would always be. I am thankful I was proven wrong on that. Life has a tendency to  prove me wrong when I think I know something. And I am ok with that. 

When I started this journey I was so afraid to go anywhere. I had not taken an actual vacation in a decade, and since this journey, I have taken an actual vacation four times in that two years, and have visited so many sights and so many landmarks, that I have lost count of them all. And I am not complaining about that. There was a time I was wishing to not have to go places because that was easier for me. Now I’m wishing to go more places and see even more. Just wish I had the money to do so. As we all do that wish to travel. 

I have been blessed in so many ways, that I am so thankful and grateful for. All because I set out to change my life, and my life changed me. It’s opened so many doors and given me so much. Shown and taught me so much. And with that joy it has given me, I am able to create things with a grateful heart, as that is what I can now bring into my life. More things to be grateful for. I never thought I would be where I am. I never thought it was possible. I doubted too much and denied even more. Now I am able to watch miracles unfold in my life. See prayers be answered and doors open even further. 

Gratitude has gone a long way for me and does for everyone who is grateful. It creates a positive atmosphere within us that reflects out into our lives. My journey is only just beginning and now I am witnessing dreams of mine come true. So this week is a celebration for me, not just because I am older, but because I am celebrating  life. I was given life back to me, and I thank God every day for that. 

I am thankful for this journey, I am thankful for everyone who I have met, and heard from, who have told me my blog has inspired them. I am glad to had that and hope that this blog does just that. Inspired the light within you to help you make the changes you want to, to live the life you have only dreamed of. We are all worthy and deserving of good things. God, or whatever you want to call God, wants the best for us. And we deserve that. That love and happiness is real. And is a lasting part of our life. Something we will always have and cherish for as long as we live, and beyond. 

Be grateful. Be thankful. Love fully. And smile more. 

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Conquering my fear.

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Today was my first full day of vacation. My first full day of doing something. Today I would boldly go where I’ve never gone before…

Well I went, but I can not completely say it was bold. For to get where I went today, I had to take the Metro train there. Instead of having to pay for parking in a garage I thought it would be easier this way. Easier is a misnomer. As I will say I was really anxious and nervous to take the train on my own. For the first time ever. I am also not a fan of not being able to have control and drive. Living with my stomach issues I prefer to have that control and drive so I can stop whenever, and where ever I need to. You can’t do that in public transportation. You are boxed in to a set destination beyond your control. One of my scary fears. 


So I would go balls to the wall, as they say… Wait, has anyone ever said that? And go on the Metro. It took me some time to muster up the courage to do it. As well as talking myself out of driving there instead. Another thing I will do when face with anxious decisions try and find a way out of it. Luckily the metro station was only a ten minute walk to it and the train ride was about the same amount of time. Then it took me a few minutes to figure out how to get a card to get on the thing. It was 14.50 for a day pass, I am not sure that was cheaper than a garage though. I then hopped a train and went upon my way. Thankful that google maps told me which stop I needed, how many stops it would be before mine, and even what color train I needed. Without that I would have been lost. Technology can be a wonderful help for people like me.

The train ride was a lot better than I thought it would be. Coming back was rough as I stood the whole time and it made me all wobbly and motion sick and other reason I prefer to drive. After that I hit the Air and Space Smithsonian and had a blast seeing all the fun stuff. I then just walked around all over the place not really sure where all to go I ended up walking more than seeing things. I ended up being out for 7 hours walking all over the place. I was calm and relaxed and ok the whole time and made it back to my hotel and then to get some food. It was agre at dat and I conquered my fear and won. It did not defeat me this day.

I also met this chap and we discussed the theory of relativity. He didnt talk much though.

Adventures in Going Out: Week 6 – Pt. 2

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Devil’s Tower

This week was a huge week for me in my weekly adventures in pushing myself further and further, and working through my anxiety/panic attacks, so I can live a ‘normal’ life. Since I was off Monday, I went out on Monday, which would still qualify as my weekly adventure in going out… But I was not gonna just fall into my old ways and only go out that one time when Saturday in my normal time for going out.

So that is what I did. I decided to go out again today, for my second time. I was not sure on where I was going or how many options I was gonna have, as it was said to Snow today… Yep, that’s right. Snow in April. Is it still considered Winter weather in Spring even if it’s snow, or does it become Spring Weather?

After mulling over a couple ideas of where to go, I decided to go and see Devil’s Tower in Alpine NJ, today. It has an interesting history behind it. A plantation farmer erected it for his wife, so she could see the NY skyline. One day she went up the tower and found her husband with another one, so she threw herself off the tower. It is said that she still haunts the place. That was really what interested me in seeing it. To see if there was any ghosts there. I am interested in that type of stuff. I plan and hope to check out more types of places like that during my adventures. I am really fascinated by this kind of stuff. Who knows maybe one day I’ll go a ghost investigation with a group of paranormal investigators. That would be something. As well as something I never even considered before, or being able to do. Now that things are changing for me, all types of doors are opening for me. And I am loving every second of it.

This voyage was a big one because it was a long, long ride to it. This was about a little over 2 hours to get there. Which can seem like forever for a person that has gone through the struggles and battles of anxiety. At around over an hour or so of driving and looking at the towns I got to that point of, holy crap! This is really happening. I am so far from my home. This is real. I did not panic during that. I did not turn around, or stop. Which is a blessing compared to the past, where I would have gone mental, and wigged out. I was getting really close to NY, and at times I thought I was going to end up there. As it felt like my GPS was sending me there. Luckily I did not get into NY. It was a lovely tower to see. Sadly it is not open to see the insides, it is fenced off, with a camera, and a no trespassing sign. So all I could do was snap a few pictures. Admire my view, and be proud of getting there. Before heading back home. My legs were so tired from being in the car like that. But it was a great triumph for me, and will help me go even further with myself and my journeys. Sadly, I did not see any ghosts and this place. Though I did have that eerie feeling of being watched from the tower. But that could have been my own preconceived notions of the place being haunted and made myself feel like it was.

I returned home and got some grapes to celebrate my victory. I love me some grapes.

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