Hello, October! Hard to believe that this year is almost done already. This year has just been flying by. I have not written much this year. Not for a lack of activity but just not anything to really write about. I try to post things that have quality to them and not just quantity of post.
I don’t know about all of you by 2018 has been an intense year. There has been so much emotions. So much going on. So much pain, and turmoil, and turbulent times during this year. I also ended up fighting health challenges this year. Which was causing me to not do much. Not even do much other than, just eat bad food choices. There was a lot of ups and downs this year and a few times of not even wanting to climb back up again. Yet, despite it all, I still kept marching on and kept dancing to my own beat.
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This journey I have been on has been an incredible journey as it has taught me and shown me so much. I have been so thankful for it all. For every step I have taken. For every person that has come into my life from it. Whether they were just to teach me one thing or to stay for a longer part of my journey. I am thankful for all of it. I have been able to grow so much from it all.
One of the biggest blessings was one I never really thought of or expected and that was coming into my own self. Coming into being me and being confidant and happy with myself and how I am. Most would call the way I was living as being shy, and I guess I’m some ways that was true. The bigger picture was more that I was not confident or trusting in myself. I was not strong within myself as a being so I would just be meek and timid in life and I lived a life reflecting such attitudes.
During this journey I have learned so much about myself, and what I am capable of doing, things I never even would have dreamed of, which has helped me believe in myself. As such it helps me speak more truthfully to how I feel and what I want out of life. Instead of in the past not saying things, or getting involved, I now speak my mind. Instead of just rolling over. It is so very liberating to be able to do that. To not be so concerned with what others will say, or even if they will agree with me, but to still be able to express myself and voice my opinions. I spent so long not speaking my truth, it is great to finally be able to speak at all.
For so long I kept myself from the world and was not really living in the world. I was merely just a shadow, a part of it. It is so nice to actually be standing within the world and experiencing it. As if it is the first time doing so. When I first started this journey I was so afraid, so unsure of myself. What I wanted and how I would get there. I was conflicted and confused. Afraid of what others would think of me. Not wanting to say things or even speak up. Even when I started this blog I confined myself to what I was going to say on it and who I shared it with. Now I move more freely with it speaking of things I love, such as oracle cards, crystals, energy healing, and to even spirits, and angels. It is freeing to be me. To speak my mind. And the greatest thing of it all? Finding and interacting with people that are like minded to me, who share similar beliefs and ideas, and love to hear what I have to say and just get me.
I never cease to be amazed at the people I meet, at the places I have been and seen. I’ve had incredible conversations with so many people. To see and know how incredibly fortunate and lucky I truly am. How glad I am for all of it. The good. The bad. The heartbreak. It was all needed and important to get me to where I am today. And now I know that so much more is out there. I have only scratched the surface to what this world is about and has. I happily look forward to where it will take me.
One of the many questions I have asked myself and God/Universe over the years of my life was why was I born like this? Why was I unable to live a regular normal life? Why could I not eat this food or that food? Why did I struggle with so much anxiety/fear? Why was I so different then everyone else I knew? Why does everyone else get to have a happy regular life, while I was stuck suffering? What was the point of still living? … That was the biggest question that I struggled with for so long. What was the point of me still living?
I think for most of us that have endured or struggled or have been pained in our lives that is what we find ourselves asking. Well, most of us, anyways. To get to where I am today it took a long, long, journey to get here. It was not something that just happened overnight. As much as I prayed and begged for that to be the case. Where I am at today is a culmination of a ten year journey of health, healing, and understanding. For that is what life is about really. This is just the start of my journey and it will be a life long journey. I have no idea where it will take me, it is both exciting and scary all at once. But I look forward to those surprises and where life will take me. One of the things I heard so much during my soul searching, for that is really what is was, learning myself, and learning who I am, and bettering myself, was that life is about lessons. I used to hate that answer. That it was all a lesson for growth and to teach us and others something. I HATED it. It was so cold and unfeeling to me. For a person that struggled like me, to just tell me it was all a lesson, or a parent that sees their child suffer through an illness, or be taken from cancer, is not a pleasant thing to tell them. It was all a lesson. Chances are, they would probably pop you in the nose.
Yet, today I understand more and more about the lessons that we face in life and that we endure. Today while I was out taking a walk I realized how this all, everything I went through, everything I endured, was meant to be. It was what I needed to experience and feel. It was, lessons for me in this life. Without them I would not have been able to get to where I am today. I would not have the understanding that I have acquired in this life, and would not be able to share this all with you, and help others get through what they do. I could not be a beacon of hope and compassion for others in their times of need. Some days when we are faced with truth it smacks us in the face. That is what it did for me. Does it all make sense, no, it does not. Nor could I possible understand why a child get cancer. Life is both pleasant and sad all in one. But I do understand is what it is like to suffer and be in a low place in life. I know what it’s like to be so far rock bottom that it felt like there was no hope of ever being more than that. My life has taught me and shown me so much yet it is only the beginning of what this life will have to offer. I could not be here, at this place in my life, with this understanding and awareness, without every painful step that I went through. Without trudging through the mud, without suffering to see and know that it does not last forever.
When I set off in June of 2015 to change my life I had no idea where that would take me. I had no idea if I could make a difference in my life. I did not have that belief that I could. I had hoped that I would. I wanted more, and knew deep in my heart that I deserved better than what I had in life. As I truly believe we all deserve. Will things be 100% and perfect all the time? No, but we can have joy and experiences miracles all over our life.
When I set off I had no idea I could do it. Or that I could do anything. I had no idea where it would take me. I never thought I could. Yet today I see that I can. I never would have thought I could take a vacation and have fun during. Yet, I could and I did. I took two vacations this year. I never thought this blog would really go anywhere or that it would take off and become something. Yet yesterday I wrote my 70th article for it this year. This makes 71. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I did do it. This year has taught me so much about myself it has helped me gain courage and hope. It has shown me what I can do if I try. That gives me so much hope for the future and the main things I will do. All because now I know, yes I can.
So now what can you do?