Stepping out of my shell, was probably the most challenging thing I have done for myself over the years. Being true to me. Being authentically me, and embracing more of that.
When I started my spiritual journey of self discovery 18 years ago, I set out to be a different person that I was. Yet, it wasn’t who I truly wanted to be. Back then, that journey was a foolish journey of others imprinting onto me that I had to be someone else. Something that many, if not all of us go through. I was struggling with health issues, self esteem issues, anxiety, self love issues, depression. That I thought, if I could remove all of that, I would be a better person. That I would be a person that people will love, and I wouldn’t feel empty and rejected. I had to be someone, anyone who wasn’t me. I had to have a different body, and be someone else.
Yet every attempt I had at being someone else failed, and I was left miserable and sad thinking nothing I could do could change it, or me. I was lost, and alone. After all, how do you even talk to others about such a concept? And so I was in a search of a holy grail that was always out of my reach. It was frustrating, and depressing as nothing in my life was changing, nor was I changing. Except what I had not comprehended, realized, or even seen, was that I didn’t need to change who I was to be OK. I needed to accept who I was, and embrace more of who I am.
The more I tried to blend in, the more I tried to fit in, the more I felt lost, and angry. I was repressing myself, and I was allowing others to repress and hold me down as well. As I begin to heal myself, I began to pull back layer upon layer of myself. Clearing out other people’s truths that they were projecting onto me. Their ideas of me, and who I needed to be. How I needed to conduct my life. It was jarring to see so much I was doing to blend it and be what I thought I needed to be to be loved. More than just loving myself, I needed to accept myself. I needed to accept every one of my quirks, from my wicked sense of humor, my witty sarcasm, to my love of all things cartoons, and Spongebob.
I had to learn that I didn’t need to hide who I was, to appease or make others happy. That above all else, I had to take care of me, and do what makes me happy. No one else can be, or is responsible for our own happiness. Our decisions, our choices are ours to live with. As they say, to Hades with them if they don’t like us for who we are. Truthfully, it is their loss. To not know us. The real us. We deserve to know who we are. What we enjoy, what brings us joy, what brings us happiness. That in itself, is its own adventure, and puzzle trying to remember what we all came in to this world already knowing. That we love the things we pick up, and do. We love the way we see the world, and live in the world. It’s only until others impose their ways so we start to lose sight of that truth.
I encourage us all to unravel those inner truths deep within. Of the things that bring us joy, and laughter, and fun. To think back to a time of childhood where we had no cares in the world, other than to revel in and enjoy that moment of time. Perhaps when we do, we will truly find Where The Wild Things are, and realize how magical they and us are. And realize we are both one and the same. Joyful, and happy creatures who delight in ourselves and all that makes us happy.