Anxiety. That scary feeling, emotion, energy, that we have all gone through at some point in our lives. For some, it’s just the jitters nervousness before a big exam, or a meeting for work. For them anxiety is something that just comes and goes. For others, anxiety can be so debilitating that it interrupts every day life. For some they become so crippled that they avoid going anywhere. They become agoraphobic. Where they don’t just have anxiety. Anxiety has them.
During my adult life, from late teens, to middle 30’s that was me. I lived a life that was, controlled, and run by anxiety. I didn’t just see me as Jason, I saw myself as being an anxious person. That was my life. That was who I was. That was how I lived. Or, really, I wasn’t living. I was avoiding. For me, anxiety became the result of my body, and how my body reacted to things. My body is very, very sensitive. To not only my surroundings, but to the things I put in it, from the foods I eat. To even the things I put on my body. I am very particular about clothes that touch my body. The way they fit on me. The way the texture feels on me. Or if there is the tag touching my skin. Many of those things can create discomfort within my body, and my body can react aggressively to it, in hopes of expelling it. Especially when it comes to food. My body had such a rough and tumble relationship to foods. [If you read through this blog, you will see me talk more in depth about that. ]
Naturally that relationship with foods, etc., created so much anxiety, panic, fear within me. To the point where I found it easier to just avoid people, and social engagements. Or if I couldn’t I would just suffer through it all.
You may be asking yourself, how does Reiki fit into all of this. Well, to skip ahead many years, I will get to the Reiki part. Around 2007, when I was frustrated, lost, angry, confused, hurt, and any other emotion you could think of, hating this anxiety, hating my body. Hating myself. I was looking for any type of help I could get. I had done all the pills, and doctors, and exams to find what was wrong with me. I eventually stumbled onto Reiki. And well, I was desperate at the time. I would try anything, and do anything. I was one of those people who hoped that Reiki would be this miracle cure all. I’d get Reiki, use Reiki, and by body would be cured.
Boy was I wrong about Reiki. Sure, I was a Reiki practitioner. But my body, was still the same. Naturally I become frustrated by it. Doubtful of Reiki, and what it can do. Honestly, I was not really ready for Reiki at the time. It wasn’t until many, many years later, that I really came back to Reiki. Reiki has a way of doing that. It plants seeds within us. It opens doors that we long closed. But it’s so subtle that we don’t even notice it has happened. Not until we really hit that “a-ha” moment within ourselves. That started when I finally got to experience a full session on myself. Where another Reiki healer worked on me, and I was able to really feel it’s energy, and how it can transform us. And boy, did it.
It opened my eyes, and it opened my mind to a world that was, much larger than me. When I first started with Reiki, I hoped it would “fix me.” It would make my body “normal” and work like everyone else. Yet, Reiki was more than that. It was, peace. It was peace of mind. It was peace of self. It was acceptance. It was clarity. It was understanding in a world that seemed upside down. It was everything we don’t feel or realize in the moment of anxiety. When we are anxious, we are all over the place in our minds. We are in the past, or thinking about the future. Reiki brings us back to this moment. It brings us back to accepting things for how they are. Not for what we want them to be. Did it magically heal my body? No, because that would not have served me or my highest good. That would have made me weaker in the long run. And I wouldn’t have fully grown over the years. Reiki isn’t about that miracle cure that just fixes all the problems for us. Which, many of us, have no doubt been guilty of wanting to happen for us. Like when we pray for something. Reiki was seeing the beauty within me when I thought I was a hot mess. That is how Reiki helps with anxiety, how it helps with depression. And so much more. And that, that truly is the miracle.
I don’t know what my body will be like years from now. What I do know is that with Reiki, I will be OK. I will be better than OK. That realization, that feeling and knowing, is a gift that I could never have seen coming. A gift that is a true treasure, that is beyond money, and is invaluable. A gift that I am blessed to have received and will forever be grateful for.
–Jason