anxiety

Bouncing back

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This year has been flying by so fast. It’s hard to believe that it is the middle or April already. While the time is flying by, I have not been flying by. I have been pretty silent these past few months. Taking time to myself. Recouping. Growing and learning. 2017 had many, many ups. But it also had things that came crashing down for me. Things did not go the way I thought they should, or hoped. That in itself is a major life lesson. Things don’t always go to plan. Things don’t always go the way you want them to, or think they should. That can be such a hard pill to swallow, but so much peace can come from letting go. Not expecting, and just enjoying. Every moment for what it is. On top of that I had to deal with some health changes within me that caused me to just veg out and just do nothing really.

Now I am starting to slowly return to a normalcy of things. I am starting to get back into the groove of things, and am starting to move again. And it feels great to be up and about and enjoying life again. The other weekend I got out and enjoyed some of the warmer weather and went to Red Bank battlefield, and then to the lake for a little bit. To walk around. Enjoy the sun. And just let loose.

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Jumping on the horse again…

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Wow! I can’t believe this is the first post of the new year. Yay! 2018, it’s a New Year! Ooops, it’s March 11. I’m a tad late on that one. LOL.

This year has flown by really fast. We’re almost a third of the year in. And I am ashamed to say, I have not done a whole lot this year. This year, I have been having a lot, lot, lot of down time. That’s not to say I have done nothing this year. I have managed to go to the diner a few times with friends. I have continued to do Reiki, alongside my friend Beth, one Monday a month. I have not really done any events this year, like I did last year. I had a few tables at some expos here and there. So far I have not done any. My first table I will have will be in April.

I have not done much exploring or adventuring in a little bit now. And yet, I miss it. I do miss the adventure. The going to new places. Doing new things. See and experiencing new things. It is always a rush to be out there. Going somewhere you’ve never seen before, doing something you’ve never done before. Hopefully when the weather starts to improve more, I will be able to get out more often. It seems like just yesterday when I took myself out on a weekly adventures.  Yet it’s been over a year ago since I set out on those adventures to really change my life around. So many has changed. So much is different and so much is becoming so much more.

Last night I was able to take myself out for an adventure for the first time, in quite a while now. Last night, I was able to attend a public paranormal investigation. In Medford NJ.  In a historic building, for the first time ever that it’s really been investigated. The building is a wonderful place. It goes back to around the turn of 1900’s. If not older than that. Current estimates have the building at being constructed in 1904. So needless to say it has seen quite a lot of traffic over the years. With many various occupants coming and going. It was fun to be in there, after hours, with the lights of, with groups of people, and just get in there, and really feel the energy of the place. Being sensitive to energies, being an empath, there was plenty to pick up on, and feel. I was able to sense and pick up one some of the spirits that were in the place, and was able to learn a little bit about them, through learning about the place. So it was nice to have some validation to what I was feeling and picking up. Sadly, I forgot my recorder to record some of it. I did use my phone, and have not had a chance to listen to anything yet.

It was quite the night, and was lot of fun to be out there with groups of people. I had fun investigating an historic building, and hopefully in the future I can get out and visit some more. It’s time to get back on the horse again, and have fun, and get back to enjoying life.

Goodbye 2017… Hello 2018.

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Wow! What a year in the books for me, and hopefully for you as well. It’s crazy to think that 2017 is coming to an end. And 2018 is getting ready to pounce on us. It feels like the year just started, and now, it’s over faster than Christmas break when you are a kid. This year had a lot of firsts for me, and I did things in 2017 that I never thought I would.

It’s been two years since I started my journey of healing my life, and changing everything. I never thought where I am today would be where I would end up. When I started this journey I was alone. Sure, I had a small selection of close friends, but it was just me. This was a journey I had to take. This was something I had to do for myself. I needed to do it. I set out to change my life. I set out to go beyond my anxiety. I set out to go beyond my depression. I set out to live my life and be more than an anxious/depressed person. I was not living up to my potential. I was not living at all. I was existing. I was going through the motions. Day in. Day out. Repeat.

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Learning to love yourself.

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Setting out to heal myself has been such a liberating journey for myself. It’s also been a scary one, and a hard one at times. It’s hard in the sense that to heal ourselves we also need to confront ourselves. Confront the way we have been living. And we have to learn to accept ourselves for who we are. That last part is one of the hardest things we will do.

Accept ourselves. Accept things have happened to us, and are part of our growth and learning. Hopefully we learn from our missteps and stumbles in life. It’s easy to just sit there and wish we did this or that differently. What if we tried harder? What if we were nicer, or funnier, or better looking. What if. What if. There comes a time in our lives that we must accept that what has happened to us. Happened. And perhaps it could not have happened any other way. We can learn, in time, to let go. Many of us, myself included, want to control so much of our lives. That we sometimes forget that much is out of our hands, and all we can do is just enjoy the ride.

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It’s OK to feel emotions.

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My journey has been a powerful journey for myself and has revolved around healing myself from the inside out. Not just with the physical issues I have faced with my body, but with the emotional healing of the mind and spirit.

That was the healing I was not expecting but was the healing I truly needed. Being a male we are told from an early age, that “boys don’t cry.” That we have to be men. And act like men. We have to be tough. This is what society dictates of us men. We have to be rough, rugged, and tough. On the inside, and it’s not OK to have feelings. If you do, just suppress them, and ignore them. As an adult if you tell a kid something he’s going to believe you. So as a kid we are always trying so hard to grow up so fast. We want to be adults. We want to stay up late. We want to do the adult things, whatever they are, we want to do them. So we stop enjoying the things about life that kids enjoy. Do the things kids do and love. If I could have fully understood that being an adult meant getting a job, and paying bills, I would have stayed a kid forever.

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Trailblazing your life

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It’s been quite a time since I’ve written anything. Yet, my life has been a constant influx of things left and right. As I take myself out further than I could ever imagine. This year has been extremely busy for myself. I have been all over the place. Going here and there. It’s  been so busy the year has just blown right on past me. I can hardly believe that the year is winding down already. It seems like the year just started the other day. Yet it’s almost December.

I had no idea where this year was going to take me. I just played it by year and let it take me to where it wanted to take me. And boy, did it take me places. There was so many first in this year. I attend many events and workshops this year. Things I would never have dreamed of attending before. Yet, I did so many, I can’t even keep count of them all. The most surprising of them all is at many of those events I had a table doing card readings for people. Something I never thought I would ever have the courage do to in front of people. Yet this year I did, and many of them I did.

This year has been all about going beyond my limits and trailblazing a life of my dreams. I took the hold of the reigns of my life and just took a ride through the wilds, and held on, and let the sled take me. I think I may have watched Rise of the Guardians one too many times there. Everyone loves the sleigh. For so long I spent my life thinking I couldn’t do this or I couldn’t go there. It was scary and so liberating to prove myself wrong. On what I could and couldn’t do. I tried. I pushed. I struggled at times. I got scared and wanted to quit. But that would have been too easy. I pushed even more. I pushed myself because I knew I could do it. I could step up and take charge so to speak. Living with anxiety for so long, I knew how easy it would be to just run away. To give into fear. To shut down. I knew to do so. Would open that door again. That door out of doing anything. That was not the world I was going back to. That was not the life I was going to live anymore.

I decided to blaze trails I had never blazed before. Do things I never thought I could. Things I didn’t think I was good enough to do. Yet I saw the only one that said I couldn’t, was me. This year saw my getting my own tables at events. As well as sharing tables with a good friend(s). This year has saw me step out of my comfort zone and onto a screen so to speak, and do FB live video in front of many people, where I do love angel card readings for people. Which has now become an every other week thing. I have stepped out even further and this weekend I gave a talk in front of people, about the healing powers of crystals, and connecting with the Angels.  I would never have thought of doing such a thing. Not because of a fear of public speaking. Just a fear of myself and being good enough to do that. Yet, I pushed through that fear. Even though I wanted to run away and not even attend that event. Yet I went, and did the talk, and people enjoyed that, and would love to see more in the talk. Which now opens more doors for me to doing a longer talk. All because I chose to live the life I choose to live. I choose to blaze my own life. To whatever I wanted to do. And it has been an incredible journey to so many new things and people.

I look forward to where life can take me. What I can do next. Because so many doors are finally opening for me, and it feels incredible. I will be giving that talk again next month, and this time, I will be more at ease at it, and I will have much more to say. Because there is much for me to say and share. And I look forward to doing so.

If you have not seen the FB page, you can check it out, and see past videos, as well as upcoming events I will be at.

In the USA this week is Thanksgiving, and I have so much to be thankful for. This has been an incredible year for me. I plan to make next year even more so.

Reiki for anxiety

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This weekend was an action packed weekend for me. I was busy all weekend with events both days, and events on top of events. I am very exhausted and ready to sleep for a week. This weekend I was helping my friends who own a shop, On Angel’s Wings in Bordentown, NJ, with their Cranberry Fest. Which was vendors set up along the street, selling their wares, and goods. I was there helping them run their table, and at the same time doing Angel Card readings alongside them. The event was two days, and would be from 11-5 AM. An all day event. It was estimated that hundreds if not thousand people would visit this event. THAT is a lot of people. So naturally my nerves were a little high.

Not really in being at the event, or being out. Surprisingly I was not really nervous about being out all day like that. I have come so far, and gone through so many adventures, it has helped me in being more comfortable in being out in public, and at events. I was nervous about how many readings could happen, and if I was ready for such an amount of people. Of course, I also sell myself short, being my own worst enemy at times, and in me thinking I couldn’t do it. That ego mind certainly likes to sabotage us all in our pursuits of happiness.

So naturally I was not going to allow my fears, anxieties, and insecurities get the better of me, and prevent me from stepping out of my comfort zone. I did the only thing I could do, use my Reiki healing, to help soothe my emotions, ground myself out, and bring in calming energy to my solar plexus, and heart, and bring in that calm serenity. And I did just that. I pulled out the anxiety/fear, and brought in calming, cooling energy, with the help of Archangel Raphael, and within minutes my anxiety was diminished, and I could become more relaxed, and serene, and ready for the day ahead of me. I was not even upset that I had to walk far because there was not much parking there at that point.

Once there I was ready and able to jump into helping them run their table for the day, and setting up, and walking around enjoying the festival as much as I can. The energy was intense there from all the people. At times it seemed like you would get swept up in the sea of people. Eventually I could get over my fears of this public event, and get myself into doing a few readings. Then when the event was over, I made it to my sister-in-laws parents house, for a birthday party for my niece. I didn’t even hesitate or think twice about going there and being there with all these family members.

I was even able to return the next day, and do even more readings. I was able to overcome my fears and anxieties about this event with the help of Reiki. I am constantly blown away by what Reiki can do, and help me with. I experience more and more with it, all the time, and I am truly only scratching the surface of this incredible healing modality.

If you would have told me two years ago I would be at a huge public event doing card readings for people, I would have never believed you. I would have thought you got bopped in the head. Yet, here I am, two years later, doing just that. And now I am looking at venues to get out there and do even more card readings. To really get myself out there.  I am truly blown away by how far I have come over the past two years. When I set out back then, I had been planning on taking my first vacation in over a decade. I was so afraid of taking it. In that span of two years, I have managed to go to the Poconos twice, Washington D.C. once, and to Gettysburg. Four vacations in two years, and I can’t wait to see where I go next. Life has changed so much for me, and I am so thrilled to see how far I have come. And look to what I will do next. Because it will amaze me even more.

So stop making excuses. If you want a better life. Get out there and start working at it. It will be lot of hard work. There will be plenty of changes you will have to make. You will stumble. You will fall. You will cry. And you will get frustrated and scared, and want to quit. But I tell you what, you can push through all of that. You can get to the other side. You can have the life you’ve dreamed of, and even more than you ever thought. Life doesn’t always give us what we want. It gives us what we need. We learn. We grow. We better ourselves. We keep moving forward.