lifewithanxiety

Wanting to heal your life. 

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Wanting to heal my life has become a normal part of my life these days. I have spent the past two years doing just that, healing my life. However that was not always the way it was. And for many other people in these shoes, or similar shoes, healing their life is not part of it. In my opinion it is why so Kant people become frustrated with their lives and stuck in ruts. I know from personal experience what it is like to be in a rut that one feels like they can never climb out of. 

The biggest setback people have in making real change within themselves is a lack of wanting to heal and change. Change can be very scary. We don’t know what is beyond our comfort zones and beyond what we see as true for us. Everything else is unknown and that unknown scares the crap out of us. I could have just went out that one day, and then, been done with it, had I not have had a desire to heal myself and change myself. Changing myself is part of healing. It will become the result of healing I should say. The more we heal and let go, the more we change and become better than what we thought we were. Because we become so much more than we ever dreamed we could be. 

For many people they struggle with this concept because they refuse to change who they are. They like who they are. But most times, who they are is lacking so much. In my experience two years ago I thought I knew who I was, turns out, I had no idea who I am, because it’s a never ending journey of self discovery and learning. That is what life is all about. Learning, experiencing, and growing. If we stop that, we might as well be dead, because we are no longer living life. 

Life truly is a mystery because you never know where it will take you and it will always give you what you are wanting to experience in some way, shape, or form. We have no control over what happens to us, for the most part, but we can control how we react to it and grow and learn from it. Most of us fight and struggle with that, and end up living a life they are not happy with. 

To get to where I am today, I had to let go of everything I thought I was, to make room for what I wanted to be. I had to desire to heal my life from the inside out. That has been the most instrumental in healing my anxiety and fear. Was healing myself, taking my walls down, and opening up to who I truly can become. That person is so much better than the person I thought I was, and the person I will become tomorrow, will be even more so. 

It all starts with that desire to heal ourselves and our lives. It is what propels us forward to new things and growing even more in life. When we have that desire to heal, that desire to change ourselves, and be willing and open to change whatever we need to, we will find that we can move mountains within our lives to accomplish things we set out to do. It all starts with us. We have to want it. No one else can do it for us. They can guide us and teach us, and show us much, but it all comes down to us wanting to do it. We have to make those changes. We have to put in the time and the work. Then we can watch it all spiral from there. Trust me, it will spiral and grow in ways we never even thought possible. Once we light that one spark within ourselves, it will grow to a fire of epic proportions and life will be so much more for us. And we are worth that and more. We are worthy and deserving of good things and being happy. We have to allow ourselves to be so. 

Most people who struggle with anxiety have a lack of belief in themselves. They doubt what they can do. Those fears and insecurities have become such a strong presence within their mind that that is all they see and believe. It’s their normal thought processes. To release that they need to heal themselves. They need to heal that doubt. That disbelief. Once they do that they will find they are better able to manage their anxiety. Without wanting to heal themselves and their thinking those patterns of fear will always continue to play out. Is it a process that will just happen overnight. No, it will take time. Healing takes time, patience, and love. But it’s so worth it if we are willing to give it our attention. 

So today, do something good for yourself. Decide you want to heal your life and allow it to change. You will be surprised where it will take you. I know I am. It all starts with us. 

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Adventures in going out: Week 8

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batsto_mansion

This week marks the 8th week of going out and about. Which means I have been doing this for two months now. That in itself is a huge milestone for me and a big accomplishment. Something I never though I would ever accomplish or do. This is all new territory for me. Literally and metaphorically.

Even though this day  was raining this morning some, I did not let that deter me from going out. This week I would go out and visit Batsto Village in Hammonton, NJ. There was a nice trail out there through the village. Where you could walk around and look at the old mill, and workers homes from back in the day. Many of the places were open and you could look around. I snagged a good amount of pictures there. Viewing history. I am glad that I did buy that new camera. It has been put to good use. I was surprised that there were many people out there checking it out, the rain did not stop them either.

batsto_rules

Life sure seemed pretty miserable back then. I mean look at all those village rules. What exactly is unnecessary talking, or noise of any sort? Like is belching an unnecessary noise, what about farting? What if I had beans and a Taco for lunch and I can’t help myself? I must know the answers to these questions. 2.00 a month rent for a home. Man, oh man. That must have been nice. I can’t even buy a pack of gum for that amount of money.

buggy

I am kind of digging this buggy. It looks really quaint and a fun way to get around town. Well until you are up wind of the horse and the horse breaks wind on you. Would that also be an unnecessary noise, or are horse exempt from such Tom Foolery? Two farts jokes in one blog post. I really am breaking all types of records with myself in life. I’ve accomplished so much. And now it’s all going into the toilet.

It was a nice little trip and visit, and of course on my way home it cleared up and stopped raining. Always how it is.

To boldly go where I’ve never gone before…

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Tobyhanna State Park, PA. (photo taken by me.)

Today I have come home from my vacation that I took last weekend. And to my surprise,  I survived it, and I did better than I could have ever dreamed. I was able to drive up and back, for 2.5 hours, with no issue, or need to stop. I was able to go out and about the entire time, with one down day because of snow. Each day I went out, I was out for 5 or so hours. So I was out for a good amount of time. Each time feeling better and better. Helping me to feel better and better about each and every experience. There was two times, where out of the blue, I felt a little anxious, for no apparent reason, but they did not last, and allowed me to not have to cancel anything, and continue my trip.

Overall for me this was a great experience. It helped boost my confidence in doing this and creating a better life for myself. It is also helping me open more and more doors in my life to allow more and more things to occur. This was my first vacation in 11 years, and I really loved it. I really want to make this a regular thing. It was great to be out of my comfort zone, as scary a thought as that is, it was great to be out of my home for a change. I am already thinking about more places to get to. A few years ago, even a year ago, I would not have even thought of this as being my reality, and now, here I am, doing this. It feels great. I will not lie. I am becoming a better person, and in time, I will be able to enjoy life. And all that it has to offer me. And not just hide in the bathroom and my house.

Now all I need is a cute traveling buddy to go places with, so I’m not alone doing it. All you single woman out there, “how YOU doin?” [/Joey Tribbiani] LOL.

–Jason