happiness

Wanting to heal your life. 

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Wanting to heal my life has become a normal part of my life these days. I have spent the past two years doing just that, healing my life. However that was not always the way it was. And for many other people in these shoes, or similar shoes, healing their life is not part of it. In my opinion it is why so Kant people become frustrated with their lives and stuck in ruts. I know from personal experience what it is like to be in a rut that one feels like they can never climb out of. 

The biggest setback people have in making real change within themselves is a lack of wanting to heal and change. Change can be very scary. We don’t know what is beyond our comfort zones and beyond what we see as true for us. Everything else is unknown and that unknown scares the crap out of us. I could have just went out that one day, and then, been done with it, had I not have had a desire to heal myself and change myself. Changing myself is part of healing. It will become the result of healing I should say. The more we heal and let go, the more we change and become better than what we thought we were. Because we become so much more than we ever dreamed we could be. 

For many people they struggle with this concept because they refuse to change who they are. They like who they are. But most times, who they are is lacking so much. In my experience two years ago I thought I knew who I was, turns out, I had no idea who I am, because it’s a never ending journey of self discovery and learning. That is what life is all about. Learning, experiencing, and growing. If we stop that, we might as well be dead, because we are no longer living life. 

Life truly is a mystery because you never know where it will take you and it will always give you what you are wanting to experience in some way, shape, or form. We have no control over what happens to us, for the most part, but we can control how we react to it and grow and learn from it. Most of us fight and struggle with that, and end up living a life they are not happy with. 

To get to where I am today, I had to let go of everything I thought I was, to make room for what I wanted to be. I had to desire to heal my life from the inside out. That has been the most instrumental in healing my anxiety and fear. Was healing myself, taking my walls down, and opening up to who I truly can become. That person is so much better than the person I thought I was, and the person I will become tomorrow, will be even more so. 

It all starts with that desire to heal ourselves and our lives. It is what propels us forward to new things and growing even more in life. When we have that desire to heal, that desire to change ourselves, and be willing and open to change whatever we need to, we will find that we can move mountains within our lives to accomplish things we set out to do. It all starts with us. We have to want it. No one else can do it for us. They can guide us and teach us, and show us much, but it all comes down to us wanting to do it. We have to make those changes. We have to put in the time and the work. Then we can watch it all spiral from there. Trust me, it will spiral and grow in ways we never even thought possible. Once we light that one spark within ourselves, it will grow to a fire of epic proportions and life will be so much more for us. And we are worth that and more. We are worthy and deserving of good things and being happy. We have to allow ourselves to be so. 

Most people who struggle with anxiety have a lack of belief in themselves. They doubt what they can do. Those fears and insecurities have become such a strong presence within their mind that that is all they see and believe. It’s their normal thought processes. To release that they need to heal themselves. They need to heal that doubt. That disbelief. Once they do that they will find they are better able to manage their anxiety. Without wanting to heal themselves and their thinking those patterns of fear will always continue to play out. Is it a process that will just happen overnight. No, it will take time. Healing takes time, patience, and love. But it’s so worth it if we are willing to give it our attention. 

So today, do something good for yourself. Decide you want to heal your life and allow it to change. You will be surprised where it will take you. I know I am. It all starts with us. 

Adventure time: Wildwood and Penn’s Landing

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It’s been a while since I’ve written  anything on this blog, I’ve been slacking, and need to get back into writing, and back into adventure mode again. Hard to believe it’s already August, this year has been flying by. Next week will be my birthday, and I will be turning 38. I no longer have to be sad about that, not that I am sad about getting older, in times past, I was sad that I would be getting older and would have nothing to show for it in life. I was not doing anything. Now I can be happy to have an accomplished list of things I am  doing with life now. And this weekend was no exception. This weekend was an action packed weekend of adventures and fun. 

It started Saturday, when me and my girlfriend were deciding to go to Wildwood to lay on the beach. Oh yes, I have not mentioned that before, during my journey and getting out more, I was able to meet someone incredible, who had become such an important part of my life and journey now, who has helped me in so many ways, of opening up, and helping me go further in life. Before her I was afraid to really have someone in my car together with me, I hated it, if anxiety would happen, I would never want anyone to be there around it, to see it. Thanks to her, I have been able to drive five hours in a car with another person. And that has opened up many doors for me. I had been so afraid to date again, because of my issues, and people in the past not being understanding of it, and breaking up with me because of it. I am thankful to be able to have met someone who is very supportive and encouraging of me, even when I don’t see it myself. For those in my shoes who think they will always be alone and not find someone to make them happy and understand their journey, know that I was the same way, and was able to finally find someone. I had given up on it for a decade.  After that time, I was able to find someone. After allowing myself to be open again and interracting with people again. 

Of course Mother Nature had different plans for us as the weather was rainy and a little gloomy in the morning, causing us to not head out when we planned to. As the day went on and the sun came out again, we would eventually decide to drive down to Wildwood, while friends were down there. It was a spur of the moment, thing to finally do, after we originally were not going to go. And boy did we make the right choice to head down there and walk the boards. It was nice to be able to just go where ever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to, and go and enjoy myself. We walked the boards and played some games. We did one of those water gun games where you shoot the gun at a target, and it climbs the pole. The buzzer sounded, and I won. Only to see that another gun was faulty, causing them to re-do the race, and I didn’t win the second time. I was robbed out of my prize. I did get vindication by winning a Yoshi out of the claw game, first attempt. After a few hours there we headed home, after a fun night out walking around, and just enjoying life. 


We then had every intention to return to Wildwood and sit on the beach the next day, since we didn’t do that the first time, but our plans changed, and we decided to go and walk around South Street in Philadelphia, and walk around Penn’s Landing, with my girl’s parents. We even took one car, where I drove us all. A fear I used to have, and would never do before. People in my car, and those people being my girl’s parents. Double yowzer! I then survived that drive, and we even took the Patco in to Philly. A lot of that is what would normally stress me out in the past, and this was me testing myself all in the process. Pushing myself to see what all I can do. I am able to report I was able to make it into Philly with no issue. The idea of just randomly walking around, anywhere, would have really driven me off the edge. This time I was cool as a cucumber as I walked around the town. All over the place, and for hours with other people. We even really put my limits to the test as we went and ate food as well. Back in the day if I ever went out for whatever reason, you can bet your last dollar, I would have never gotten anything to eat. I would have starved myself instead of giving myself fuel to the fire of my anxiety and stomach issues. Now I can relax and enjoy foods with other people and then walk around. Where we ended up stopping and getting hand scooped ice cream, at Franklin’s, before heading back home. I did not have any ice cream, I gave up all that stuff to be healthy and to help my stomach issues. I don’t regret it because doing so has allowed me to do this type of stuff more easily. 

After arriving back at the Patco station and waiting for the train, I started to feel really agitated, and almost felt like I was going to have a full blown anxiety attack, and wanted to run away, and leave everyone. Before I realized it was not my anxiety I was feeling. I am sensitive, and an empath, so I can feel and absorb another person’s energy, and take it on as my own. Something I have just recently learned I could do. I now wonder how many anxiety attacks out of the blue were truly mine, or was the energy of someone else. The energy I was picking up, was really bad. Luckily I was able to send it away, and get away from them, and find my peace and serenity again, and return back home, after another fun day of adventuring. 

I am so thankful for this journey, for the people I have met, and those I can now call friends. My life has improved so much, and I can’t imagine my life any other way now. 


This was where we ended up eating on South Street. Not a bad little place. 

Adventures in going out: Week 44.

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The Dukes of Hazard edition.

This weeks adventure has been brought to you by the letter J, and the number 6. This week marked the last week of adventuring of 2016. It’s here, it’s finally here. The last day of the year. Hip Hip, Hooray!

This week was a rough week for me as I was plagued with depression for the first half of the week. As such I was not motivated to do much. So I stayed in my sweatpants and stayed inside playing some Titanfall 2. I’m not normally a FPS fan, but this game was really well done. It was an emotional roller coaster all the way through. I have not ventured into multiplayer as I am not really a multiplayer fan. My gaming of choice is RPG, like some Elder Scrolls, or Diablo 3. I do like a good action/platformer, I loved the Uncharted Franchise. The fourth one was phenomenal, and really finish the story of Drake well. I also enjoyed the original Assassin’s Creed. I love a game, or movie, that can weave it’s story and plot through actual events to make them seem plausible. Like Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer. Of course I really only played the first two AC games, I loved Altair Ibn-La’Ahad, shame he only appears in the one game. The second one was not bad, but felt they become more about puzzle solving and not about the action/adventure of it all. So really stopped playing after that one. I was not really that concerned about building my town, and collecting followers.

Assassin’s creed brings us to this week’s adventure as there is now an Assassin’s Creed movie, that of course, I had to go see it. This movie followed the exploits of a whole new person, and was not connected to characters from the franchise. Overall I thought the movie was done really good as a little action/adventure flick. Now it is based on a video game series which I am familiar with, so have some back story to it. However you don’t need to have played the games to understand what is going on in the movie, and the concept of it. It does a good job using key elements from the games and weaves them wonderfully throughout the movie. I was surprised to see such a star studded cast besides Michael Fassbender, there was Jeremy Irons, and Marion Cottilard. The one thing that could have made this movie better was better character development, to really know the characters more. I would give it three out of five stars.

Later on in the week I would take myself out to the movies again and this time see Sing, by Illumination Entertainment. That also was a pretty good movie. If you are looking for a family movie to go and see right now, take them to see the movie Sing. It is well animated and pretty funny at times, and has a huge cast of people voicing characters. From Seth McFarlane to Scarlett Johansson. Ilumination Entertainment, the group most known for their Minion characters, have been pretty impressive in their other characters as well. Secret Life of Pets, one of their movies, was a good flick as well. However I will say they do not have the character development, story telling, that Pixar has. The range of emotions that Pixar can show in a movie, and sometimes not even using words, case in point the opening of UP. That’s not counting the Cars franchise. I do not know how that one keeps going, and do we really need a Third cars? Overall I would give Sing three out of four stars.

That was it for this week as I relaxed, and enjoyed my vacation, and get ready for the new year. As I set my intentions and goals that I hope to achieve within the new year. I even did my customary tarot reading for myself on what the year will bring. The last two years readings have been spot on in what has panned out. So this year will be another interesting one. I will go deeper into my healing of myself, taking down more walls. As I become more confident, and open, and receptive in the new year. I look to make this year even more better than 2016. Thank you for checking out the blog, liking page, or the Facebook page.

And now I am off to count down the last hours of the year, and wait until the ball drops at midnight. It’s like puberty all over again.

See you in the new year. Hopefully my jokes get better by then. Doubt it.

 

 

11-11: A time for real change. 

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There is a lot going on in the world these days, as we are still reacting to the results of the election, coupled with the full moon coming up. The largest full moon in like 70 years. For us sensitive people that are aware of energy we can certainly feel it these days. While many are still reeling and left confused and hurt right now, it’s a good time to step back and allow yourself to regroup and find your center and find your inner peace. 

Today, is 11-11. 11:11 is an energetic gateway for us. Many people will report seeing that time a lot in their lives. I have seen it many times over the years, and have been seeing it a lot lately. As it is a reminder of the universe about a time of great change for us. Sometimes it’s personal and other times it’s larger than that. It is also about creating our own realities that we wish to see. And that is where we are at in our lives now. The universe gives us many opportunities for various things in our lives to experience what we need to to grow and better ourselves. I’ve seen it so many times within my life. Now it can be seen starting to play out in the world. Many of us can feel it. Now is our time to start creating a better reality for ourselves which will create a better reality within the world. 

I feel what is going on now is  a major wake up call to us all, to change our lives for the better. Our lives are affecting each and everyone of us on the planet. And we know, deep down, we can do so much better. This is an opportunity for us to learn and grow, and grow together, and see us all as fellow travelers on this journey of life.

So be careful with your thoughts for they can become your reality. Now is the time to create a better life and reality for yourself. Start today. 

The courage to face a new adventure.

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This weekend was a blast for me. I had a lot of fun. Yet, at the same time, I had thought it would be a scary weekend for me. As I was going to go out of my comfort zone. Big time. Yet, I realized and found out, it was scarier in my head, than it actual was. Much like a trip to the dentists office… But I am getting ahead of myself let me back up some.

This weekend I was asked to participate in a fundraiser for a friends, friend, that is facing an illness, and they asked me if I would be willing to do angel card readings at it. Instinctively I had to say yes. I knew deep down it would be a good opportunity for me to develop and push myself into new places. It is also something I enjoy doing. Of course as the day drew closer and closer, that ego started to come into play, telling me I would not be good enough. I could not do this, and I can’t do this. That guy is quite the brat. Some says I would like to just give him a wedgie, and call him a jerk to his face. Cause he is a jerk, always picking on me. Trying to keep me down. As the days grew closer to this event, I could see how easy it would have been. To just back out. Feign a sickness, run away to Canada. Whatever it would have taken. Now looking back at this I see what would that have accomplished? It would have given me an out, and then that out would have turned into another out at another time, and another time. Eventually that out would become the norm, and I would never do anything. And that smug little jerk would win. Then he would gloat, and have that stupid grin on his face, and say, “victory is mine.” Like he was Stewie Griffin. I was not gonna let this jerk win, I was not going to let him beat me.

Jack Canfield has a great quote, “everything you want is on the other side of fear.” That was my mantra going into this event, as it was so true. The things we want out of life, and what I wanted out of life, was on the other side of fear. I knew, deep within myself, that I needed to work through this fear. I could not let it overpower me, and cause me to run away. Not anymore. I lived my whole life doing that. I was not going to now. Not ever again if I can. I took some deep breaths, and did a quick grounding meditation. Grounded myself to the earth. Grounded myself to my own power. Let all that fear, anxiety, worry, negative talk, go. Let it all go out of me, into my roots I had created through grounding, and into the earth to be transmuted into positive energies. That helped me more than I thought it would. Within minutes I was feeling calm. Relaxed, and ready to face this new adventure. I was ready for this. I let go wondering and worrying about how it would go, and if I could do it. I was free of those thoughts, and I was present. So much so I was able to help my friend who was also doing angel card readings that day relax and know they could do it as well. Positivity spreads and really brings hope to others.

The event was incredible, the energy, the atmosphere, the turnout was great to see. I was able to do those card readings, without fear, and worry, and was able to do well with them. From what I was told from people afterwards. To see the expressions on the peoples faces that I was reading, reminded me, how I love doing what I am doing. Connecting with people like that. Doing those angel card readings. It was such a positive and loving experience for me to finally be doing something I love. Words can not truly express the feelings I felt then and now. To finally be on this path. To finally be moving. To creating so many new and wonderful experiences. All because I followed my passions and worked to make it happen. And did not listen to that little guy in my head trying to tell me I can’t and to just run away. Life is so much better for me now and I look forward to where it will take me next.

I will get the opportunity to do more card readings again this Sunday and now when it comes, I will not be afraid. I will be ready to embrace this adventure and know it’s changing my life just as much as I am changing another’s life.

Being who you choose to be. 

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Look at that. This is my third blog post this week. In bowling they would call that a Turkey. Gobble gobble… Hmm. I think I made that joke before. Poor form chap. 50 points from Gryffindor. And 25 from Slytherin, just because. 

Being true to you. Is something I have struggled with for some time in my life. More aptly being who I choose to be. For so long I was always trying to be who I thought I should be or who others said I should be, or even tried to be who they wanted me to be. Sadly that is how life becomes for us. We lose who we are. We lose sight of what we wanted to do or be in life and we just life an empty shell of existence trying to please everyone else except our selves. Why is it so hard to do something for ourselves? Why is it we would rather put others needs over our own? Do we find it selfish to take care of us? I think for many of us we do think it would be selfish to give ourselves some attention. What I do know is not being true to us robs us of some of our happiness. 

That was true for me. I had spent so long trying to be someone I wasn’t that I stopped being who I was and was miserable the whole time. Even worse you start to hate those who changed you and deep down that hate ends up getting turned on us. We start to hate us and who we become. 

It was not until I started to embrace myself and what I loved and enjoyed did I start to find that happiness within myself. It was not easy to embrace myself. As I had lived so long in that fear of being me that I was afraid of being rejected or ridiculed for my beliefs, or because I have more shirts with nerdy graphics on them, like Transformers or duck tales, than shirts that are plain. We spend so much time trying to conform and fit in that we are willing to give up ourselves and our identities in the process. 

It can be scary being true to us in a society that wants us to conform. Where it wants us to be who they think we should be regardless of what we want to be. After all how many work in a job or field they do not truly want to be in? I know I have. It can be scary going against the grain so to speak. Standing up for yourself and speaking ones own truth. I struggled with that a few times with this blog and wondering what I should post about. Should I not mention that I took Reiki sessions, or that I do Oracle card readings for others, and am apparently pretty good at it. Then I realize st the end of the day. The only person I have to please the most and live with, is myself. I have to live with my decisions and actions. It is me that stares back when I look into the mirror and it is my life. I choose to be happy now. I choose to life my own life. The one I can look back in fondly and smile. 

Who knows it may catch on and others may too choose to live their own lives for a change. 

Perhaps if we all took that time to be who we choose to, we may love ourselves a little bit more. Perhaps if we loved ourselves fully we would be nicer to others and not lash out at them. Can we hurt another if we truly loved ourselves? If you are fully of love how can you purposely attack another? Perhaps if we loved ourselves we would stop the bullying and mean behavior towards another. Perhaps life would be all the sweeter if we lived that way. 

Adventures in going out: Week 27

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The Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering, edition.

It’s Saturday and you are reading this right now, that can only mean one thing… I was thwarted by those mangy kids, and was not successful in taking over the world. I’ll get you next time, Gadget.

Today was the first time in months where the sun stopped relenting to much, backup off of the Earth, and allowed a spell of cooling. Of course there is also a storm named, Hermine, which apparently was not a Harry Potter character, to contend with. Luckily it is not raining here. At this moment. So that means the weather is a nice 70, after being 90 every weekend since June, and was good to go out. So that it is what I decided to do. To go out and stretch my ol’ sea legs and go out and adventure. This time being the first in weeks to really get out there and do something new. I had forgotten all about the excitement of finding a place to go, and going to a new place and seeing it for the first time. I have been to Red Bank Battlefield a few times this year, and love it, more and more each time I go. So I decided to check out another place that was similar in design, Princeton Battlefield park. A place where American and British troops battled it out in 1777, on a giant chess board, with giant chess pieces,  where the winner got to drink tea and eat crumpets, while the loser had to sit in the corner, and think about what they did. Wouldn’t history be so much more fun to learn if that’s actually how it happened?

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I walked around looking at all the sights, this place is more open grass, and trees, as opposed to Red Bank. This trip was also the first time since my trip to D.C. that I took my camera with me, and got some good pictures. Like that wonderful purple flower. OK, it may be a weed, but look at that gorgeous shot. I mean. Look at it. Stare in awe and wonder at the shot of the weed. Go on, I’ll wait. Really, you actually stared at the picture of a weed. And now, your life is complete. You know it is. You don’t want to admit it to yourself, but deep down, I mean really really deep down, you’re smiling on the inside.

I then walked around enjoying the lovely weather for a change, enjoying the lovely nature, and the trees, and grass. I checked out all the little plaques telling me about the epic chess game American and Britain played back in the day. And took some pictures. Enjoying my Saturday, the weather, and being outside exploring the world.

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I then came across a burial marker, and stopped to take a picture of it. After looking at the picture after I got home, I saw those interesting “mists” over it. Wondering if maybe I captured some spirit that was still around this place. I did not feel anything there, but I did have a feeling not to really go back around that area too much. Either way, it’s a cool shot. Before I headed back home, to relax and enjoy the nice weather and evening. Another perfect end to a great week. Tomorrow I go out and take a development class that I am looking forward to, and have another busy week planned this week. This month is packed with a ton of fun things to do. And I can not wait to do them all.