When I first created this blog, back in 2016, I had challenged myself at the time to go out on an “adventure” once a week for year. At the time one of my most daunting and scariest of quests I ever set for myself. Back then, my life was dominated by anxiety, panic attacks, depression, borderline agoraphobia, and a severe case of loneliness. Not many people can understand those massive shoes I was walking in, and not many stood by to support me during those years. While anxiety was known, it wasn’t as readily talked about as it is today. I “suffered” mostly in silence. Too afraid to do anything. Every aspect of my life suffered by it. I could never find answers to it, or any type of aid with that journey back then.
At the time, I thought my issues revolved around my body. The foods I ate. The way my body rejected it all. And so no matter what I did, to help that. I never found true and lasting peace. In 2016, I thought I had come close to it. By having an extremely restrictive diet, and a daily tablet of Imodium. To try and keep me together. Which allowed me to gain some composure, and relief to be able to adventure out. Once a week, with the goal to drive 3 plus hours to see The Smithsonian. It was a struggle trying to go out, and live that life. And I did it. In 2016, I reached my goal and made it to the Smithsonian. I suffered that whole trip. Starving myself to the point of almost passing out, as I was so restrictive as the only way, I thought to be free. If I could have been free, maybe I could have lived a life. A life that wasn’t so, secluded or alone. It didn’t last, as there as no real healing or change. Eventually my body, snapped even more, and I got knocked down in 2018, and hit even further into the pits of myself. My body, was falling apart.
I realize now, in 2023, that I had to fall apart, so I could be saved, and really get myself together, and not just pretend that I was. While I was going out places, and meeting people. Things were not different within me. The inner battles were still being waged, and I was losing more than I was winning. Yet, despite it all. Despite losing almost everything in that infernal war. Friends. Relationships. My job after 19 years. COVID. Somehow, my soul knew it was ready. It knew this battle could no longer be waged, and I could no longer continue the same life I was living. I know now that the life I had been living was shallow, and empty. There was nothing fulfilling in it. I was merely pretending.
It was through the bottom, through losing everything I was afraid to lose, that I was able to see all that I was willing to receive. Read that again. It was through a willingness to let go of all that I was trying to hold on to. Within myself, and my life. That I was able to allow myself to break free of my own limits, and my own patterns. Allowing a new Jay to be born from the ashes of Jason. A being lighter, freer, happier than he’s ever known in his life. Through that awareness change, was I able to finally go deeper with my own self healing. To take my energy healing further than it’s ever been. To be able to meet those who would be better able to guide, and clear and allow me to release. Up until this point, I had been running in circles, meeting the same types of people who kept me running in the dark. So much of myself started to make sense. I learned to understand my own power, my own truth, and understand what I had done to get to where I was, and how I could go somewhere else. Somewhere new. Somewhere I had never been to before. Everything that I do, through energy healing with others, I have witnessed and experienced myself. It’s tremendous ability to change us and propel us to a new place of being. We have a tendency to look at “miracle” as a person who can’t walk to walk again. Or a blind person to see again. While that is certainly a miracle. A miracle is also a life that is changed for the better. From within. A life that is taken back. That is the power of energy healing, introspection, and diving into the unknown of the soul.
That is my miracle, and I am beyond grateful for it all. In 2023, I never thought I would be living a life beyond my wildest imaginings. I never even thought it was possible, to be honest, up until now. Yet, I am living proof that it is. This past week, I was able to make two massive trips in a week. The first was a random trip down to DC to visit the National Cathedral. A 3.5 hour trip. That I did spur of the moment. Back in 2016, I would never have dreamed I’d be able to take a random trip like that. Spend all day there, and then drive home the same night. Then over the weekend, I took an even bigger trip, when I drove 7.5 hours to Niagara Falls to see the Falls. The longest I have ever driven in one setting in my entire life. I did with complete and utter ease.
In the past, I would have feared that. I would have said, nope. Not for me. Can’t do it. I’d be anxious, and sick. Yet, in 2023, there as no fear. I did wonder if I should have broken the trip up. I did not, and had the best time of my life. On that 4 days trip to Niagara. I got to see the falls, all weekend, and all day long. Even when my stomach was off, cause I ate some Denny’s on a Saturday night. (Note to self, don’t eat Denny’s anymore. No matter how good it sounds in your head. LOL.) Back then I would have stayed in my hotel, or bathroom when my body was off. This time, I had no anxiety, went out, used the bathroom as many times as I needed to, spent all day in Niagara, and went out to eat twice. It did not stop me. Nor did fear, or anxiety. For through my healing, I have finally been able to find peace, and heal and release my anxiety for good.
Do I get anxious with things? Sure. It’s human nature to be anxious at times. It keeps us safe. Just now, it doesn’t cripple me, stop me, or even slow me down. I get to live my life for the first time ever. Doing things I never imagined I could. And being the happiest I have ever been in my life. Dreams do come true. Miracles happen. And do not give up, for you too, may be close to breaking through your hurdles too. It may not seem like it now. In 2013, when I wanted to give it all up. I never could see this picture that I see today. So keep going. Love yourself, hug yourself. Have hope. And believe. Truly believe and allow the magic to happen in your life.
~ Jay
