My journey has been a powerful journey for myself and has revolved around healing myself from the inside out. Not just with the physical issues I have faced with my body, but with the emotional healing of the mind and spirit.
That was the healing I was not expecting but was the healing I truly needed. Being a male we are told from an early age, that “boys don’t cry.” That we have to be men. And act like men. We have to be tough. This is what society dictates of us men. We have to be rough, rugged, and tough. On the inside, and it’s not OK to have feelings. If you do, just suppress them, and ignore them. As an adult if you tell a kid something he’s going to believe you. So as a kid we are always trying so hard to grow up so fast. We want to be adults. We want to stay up late. We want to do the adult things, whatever they are, we want to do them. So we stop enjoying the things about life that kids enjoy. Do the things kids do and love. If I could have fully understood that being an adult meant getting a job, and paying bills, I would have stayed a kid forever.
It’s been quite a time since I’ve written anything. Yet, my life has been a constant influx of things left and right. As I take myself out further than I could ever imagine. This year has been extremely busy for myself. I have been all over the place. Going here and there. It’s been so busy the year has just blown right on past me. I can hardly believe that the year is winding down already. It seems like the year just started the other day. Yet it’s almost December.
I had no idea where this year was going to take me. I just played it by year and let it take me to where it wanted to take me. And boy, did it take me places. There was so many first in this year. I attend many events and workshops this year. Things I would never have dreamed of attending before. Yet, I did so many, I can’t even keep count of them all. The most surprising of them all is at many of those events I had a table doing card readings for people. Something I never thought I would ever have the courage do to in front of people. Yet this year I did, and many of them I did.
This year has been all about going beyond my limits and trailblazing a life of my dreams. I took the hold of the reigns of my life and just took a ride through the wilds, and held on, and let the sled take me. I think I may have watched Rise of the Guardians one too many times there. Everyone loves the sleigh. For so long I spent my life thinking I couldn’t do this or I couldn’t go there. It was scary and so liberating to prove myself wrong. On what I could and couldn’t do. I tried. I pushed. I struggled at times. I got scared and wanted to quit. But that would have been too easy. I pushed even more. I pushed myself because I knew I could do it. I could step up and take charge so to speak. Living with anxiety for so long, I knew how easy it would be to just run away. To give into fear. To shut down. I knew to do so. Would open that door again. That door out of doing anything. That was not the world I was going back to. That was not the life I was going to live anymore.
I decided to blaze trails I had never blazed before. Do things I never thought I could. Things I didn’t think I was good enough to do. Yet I saw the only one that said I couldn’t, was me. This year saw my getting my own tables at events. As well as sharing tables with a good friend(s). This year has saw me step out of my comfort zone and onto a screen so to speak, and do FB live video in front of many people, where I do love angel card readings for people. Which has now become an every other week thing. I have stepped out even further and this weekend I gave a talk in front of people, about the healing powers of crystals, and connecting with the Angels. I would never have thought of doing such a thing. Not because of a fear of public speaking. Just a fear of myself and being good enough to do that. Yet, I pushed through that fear. Even though I wanted to run away and not even attend that event. Yet I went, and did the talk, and people enjoyed that, and would love to see more in the talk. Which now opens more doors for me to doing a longer talk. All because I chose to live the life I choose to live. I choose to blaze my own life. To whatever I wanted to do. And it has been an incredible journey to so many new things and people.
I look forward to where life can take me. What I can do next. Because so many doors are finally opening for me, and it feels incredible. I will be giving that talk again next month, and this time, I will be more at ease at it, and I will have much more to say. Because there is much for me to say and share. And I look forward to doing so.
If you have not seen the FB page, you can check it out, and see past videos, as well as upcoming events I will be at.
In the USA this week is Thanksgiving, and I have so much to be thankful for. This has been an incredible year for me. I plan to make next year even more so.
This weekend was an action packed weekend for me. I was busy all weekend with events both days, and events on top of events. I am very exhausted and ready to sleep for a week. This weekend I was helping my friends who own a shop, On Angel’s Wings in Bordentown, NJ, with their Cranberry Fest. Which was vendors set up along the street, selling their wares, and goods. I was there helping them run their table, and at the same time doing Angel Card readings alongside them. The event was two days, and would be from 11-5 AM. An all day event. It was estimated that hundreds if not thousand people would visit this event. THAT is a lot of people. So naturally my nerves were a little high.
Not really in being at the event, or being out. Surprisingly I was not really nervous about being out all day like that. I have come so far, and gone through so many adventures, it has helped me in being more comfortable in being out in public, and at events. I was nervous about how many readings could happen, and if I was ready for such an amount of people. Of course, I also sell myself short, being my own worst enemy at times, and in me thinking I couldn’t do it. That ego mind certainly likes to sabotage us all in our pursuits of happiness.
So naturally I was not going to allow my fears, anxieties, and insecurities get the better of me, and prevent me from stepping out of my comfort zone. I did the only thing I could do, use my Reiki healing, to help soothe my emotions, ground myself out, and bring in calming energy to my solar plexus, and heart, and bring in that calm serenity. And I did just that. I pulled out the anxiety/fear, and brought in calming, cooling energy, with the help of Archangel Raphael, and within minutes my anxiety was diminished, and I could become more relaxed, and serene, and ready for the day ahead of me. I was not even upset that I had to walk far because there was not much parking there at that point.
Once there I was ready and able to jump into helping them run their table for the day, and setting up, and walking around enjoying the festival as much as I can. The energy was intense there from all the people. At times it seemed like you would get swept up in the sea of people. Eventually I could get over my fears of this public event, and get myself into doing a few readings. Then when the event was over, I made it to my sister-in-laws parents house, for a birthday party for my niece. I didn’t even hesitate or think twice about going there and being there with all these family members.
I was even able to return the next day, and do even more readings. I was able to overcome my fears and anxieties about this event with the help of Reiki. I am constantly blown away by what Reiki can do, and help me with. I experience more and more with it, all the time, and I am truly only scratching the surface of this incredible healing modality.
If you would have told me two years ago I would be at a huge public event doing card readings for people, I would have never believed you. I would have thought you got bopped in the head. Yet, here I am, two years later, doing just that. And now I am looking at venues to get out there and do even more card readings. To really get myself out there. I am truly blown away by how far I have come over the past two years. When I set out back then, I had been planning on taking my first vacation in over a decade. I was so afraid of taking it. In that span of two years, I have managed to go to the Poconos twice, Washington D.C. once, and to Gettysburg. Four vacations in two years, and I can’t wait to see where I go next. Life has changed so much for me, and I am so thrilled to see how far I have come. And look to what I will do next. Because it will amaze me even more.
So stop making excuses. If you want a better life. Get out there and start working at it. It will be lot of hard work. There will be plenty of changes you will have to make. You will stumble. You will fall. You will cry. And you will get frustrated and scared, and want to quit. But I tell you what, you can push through all of that. You can get to the other side. You can have the life you’ve dreamed of, and even more than you ever thought. Life doesn’t always give us what we want. It gives us what we need. We learn. We grow. We better ourselves. We keep moving forward.
I decided to keep the ball rolling yesterday on my adventuring, and decided to take myself out to a state park. To get out, enjoy the nice weather, and just have some fun. I had. I where in particular to go, so I went to google, and did a quick search on state parks. One of the hits was to Washington State Park, which was not too far from me. So off I went. To where George Washington is said to have crossed the Delaware to come into Trenton, during the revolution.
Upon arriving I went to the little museum to check out history. It’s always so neat to see such things. I am very fond of those old time periods. Where life was simple. I enjoy those simpler times. There is just a majestic beauty it. Don’t get my wrong, I would never survive back then. I enjoy the luxuries that we all take for granted today, such as air conditioner. I would be a hot mess without it. Let alone the advancements we have in medicine today, over what they used for surgery back then. No thank you. Sadly, I was not able to take pictures inside the museum. All that I saw, will be a memory for ever. Or until I lose my memory. Which ever comes first.
There was plenty of paths to take. I passed a couple buildings, but sadly they were not open. Until eventually I came across the place where the crossing happening. There is a lovely bridge you can take, that takes you over the road and down to the water.
And there it was, the famous crossing site of George Washington… I think they may have exaggerated the story some over the years. I’m no Michael Phelps but I think I can cross that little bit of water quite easily. I kid of course. I am told that was just a little canal. I canal believe it myself. See what I did there? Puns are fun, or should I say puny? No?! Moving on.
Right past that little canal was much more water, which I assume is the actual place he crossed. Maybe. I wasn’t there back then so I have no clue where he exactly passed. The sign said it was 13 miles, all the way around it, and I wasn’t that interested to see it, to walk that. So I went about my way and kept walking, and enjoyed the rest of my day outside in the sun, and having fun.
Before heading back home, after a fun filled weekend of adventuring. Before going to Barnes And Noble and picking up a stuffed Totoro. Just because. If you have never seen My Neighbor Totoro, I highly recommend it. Or any Studio Ghibli film. And no, I am not too old for toys, or stuffed animals for that matter. He know guards me while I sleep. It’s the simple things in life that make me smile.
That’s it for this weekends adventures hopefully next weekend I can get out and adventure somewhere else. It was nice to get out and adventure and go to new places I’ve never beje before. As well as see a piece of history.
Today was one of those days that was very impromptu, but at the same time very needed. I just had to get out. I just had to go on an adventure. I need it. It has been too long since my last adventure and it was much needed for me to go. So I did what I needed to do. I went out and had some fun, and it was much needed. Of course this journey was a solo journey, but I just had to get out. So I wasted no time in getting out.
Last weekend I went to St Rita’s Shrine in Philadelphia with my girl friend, and enjoying the place we visited I opted to return to a similar place as we went to last weekend. Of course I will add I am not a religious person. In fact I do not agree with the church in many of its teachings. They use to much fear, and doom and gloom, and not enough love and compassion for people. Growing up for a few years, I was an altar boy, and even attended Catholic school, per my parents. But I never found any connection or calling to the church. It never really did anything for me. As I grew older I become more spiritual and followed the ways of Spirit, and love. I do still connect with the angels, such as Archangel Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, etc, and with love, that to me, is God. Faith is a personal thing, so what works for you, is what works for you. So it may seem surprising that I would go to a shrine, or a chapel. I will not deny that churches are beautifully designed. As an artist myself I can enjoy places that are beautiful. These shrines are no exception to that.
After last week’s fun, I decided to go to another shrine. This time it was The World Apostolate of Fatima, in Asbury NJ. While I may not connect to the church these days, going to catholic school has given me a basic understanding of such places, and people of interest in that faith. While I may not connect with the church, and religion for that matter, I do connect with Mother Mary. Believe it or not Mother Mary has played a huge role in my life in changing things around. Back before I really had my awakening, and really changed my life around, it was dreams I had of Mother Mary that really woke me up, and started to bring new things into my life. I had not been much of a believer in my life, or even strong in faith, until that time. When I had those dreams. It was only natural that I visit a shrine dedicated to her apparition in Fatima one hundred years ago. It was on the 99th anniversary of that apparition, that I had the dreams about her, so it was even more memorable for me to visit her shrine. It has been this journey that has shown me the world, and living, is so much bigger than I could have ever imagined or fathomed.
This place was incredible. The energy, and atmosphere was lovely. The place was larger than I could have imagined. There is a lot of land, and property, and big open spaces to walk around, and just take it all in. There was a path, or two, or three to take, where you could see statues, and plaques, of the stations of the cross. Where you can sit down, and just pay your respect, or meditate, pray. Whatever the mood struck to you. Each station is replicated with a statue depicting the various stations. After you walk the path, there is also a rosary path. Which, I would only imagine is for praying the rosary, which Mother Mary is associated with… Or, its a path for people named Rose. In all honesty, that wasn’t clear.
After walking the paths for about an hour or so, I kind of lost track of time, as I got engrossed in it all. I headed up towards another little building, which is said to be a replica of the chapel from around where she made her apparition so long ago. Where I lit a candle. I then checked out the gift shop before heading back home. And driving the hour and a half drive back. Where not even Google Maps could figure out where it was going. I did not see the whole place, while there. Even after spending 2 hours there, I did not check out the chapel itself, and another building that was there. I guess I will have to make another trip out there. It was a lovely outing and I had a lot of fun there. Surprisingly. Will I start singing, kumbaya? Doubtful, but you never know. I will say as a child going to church with my family, they used to have live music, and someone would play the acoustic guitar. It was then that I fell in love with the acoustic guitar, and always wanted to learn to play it. I begged and begged my parents to buy me a guitar, and one day they did… Turns out my laziness trumped my desire to play the guitar. True story.
After visiting there, I stopped by some friends at their shop, and hung out with them, and just had some lovely conversation. And now I sit here and smile, thinking how far I have come, and how much I have changed my life for the better. How at one time this was not even possible for me. I am blessed and thankful for every step of it, and those that have come into my life and blessed me even more.
That’s it for this week’s adventure.
While I have been very active these days it’s been a good time since I got out there and really took myself on an adventure. Mind you I have done plenty, I went up to the Poconos again and went horseback riding for the first time in my life. So I am remained busy and remained going places. It was nice to get back out there and really take myself on an adventure, as I have missed it. This week I happened to be on vacation, and did not have anything really planned. So I decided to make the best of it and get myself back to those adventures that really turned my life around.
I have gone to a few places this week so far. I went to a local lake and enjoyed the fresh air and water. I headed back to Redbank Battlefield, which I have been to many times in the past. There is something about that place. It draws me to it and I love being there. Down by the water, and just enjoying the sights. The main house, Whitall manor, is an interesting place. I have only been in there once, but this time, was the first time being there, since I become more open, and embraced my gifts instead of shutting them down. The house itself has so much energy. Just being near it, you can really feel it. As soon as I got near the home, I could feel it. It really hit my right in the chest. There is also a sense of sadness within the energy. It has been said, the place is active with spirits, that have died during the Revolutionary war, when the house was used as makeshift hospital. It is said to be more active in the higher floors, that were not open to the public when I went in there once last year. I need to get back into their, and really check it out, and see what I feel and pick up. That ought to be an interesting time.
So my next adventure that I had taken, was to Smithville Historic Park, in Mount Holly. I had been to this place once before. Which you can read about, here. This place was my first stop when I started my adventure of going out so very long ago, back in March of 2016. 15 months ago. It was nice to go back to where it all started for me and just take a stroll through it all again. I have come such a long way in the past 15 months, to be back to where it all started was kind of a surreal feeling. When I took that first adventure I was very nervous. While I had been making great strides in my health and healing, and had just come off of a week in the Poconos, it was different to take myself out, on my own, into an unknown territory and continue to do it weekly for a year.
I had much to learn and open up to during that journey. While I was feeling better physically I still had to work on the mental aspects of my healing, and in working on the fear and anxiety that was controlling me and my life. So I came up with going on a weekly journey to push myself into new places in life. Something I had never done before. It wasn’t something that just happened for me. I didn’t just get out there and all that fear disappeared, no, I had to work on it. I had to work through it. For me I learned the only way I was getting through it, was to go through it. To face it head on. Which to me, was ironic, because I had always struggled with that concept. I had always fought the idea of facing fear to heal fear. To me that was a crazy concept and I could never do that. I have learned through that journey that I was completely wrong with how I viewed things in life and my life.
For me, and I am sure many other people in the same shoes, I would spend countless hours asking for a miracle. Asking for a sign that we are being heard. Begging for help. Begging for the strength to get through another day. Begging for the courage to get through things. Begging for a miracle. Begging for help and healing. I was one of those people. I begged, and I pleaded, and hoped for a miracle. I hoped I would be given the strength and the courage to do it. To be able to live a normal life. And what I found, was surprising and shocking to me. I found that I had the strength, I had the courage, within me, all along. All I needed was the opportunities to see it myself. That was the greatest thing I found within myself through all this adventuring. Was that I could do it. I had the strength to do it. I was courageous and brave when in the face of scary things. I just had to believe in myself and what I could do. When I realized this truth within myself was when the real healing could occur. It was then that I could get out of my own way, out of my head, and allow myself to see things I never even knew existed within myself and within the world. It was then that my whole life changed and spiraled and snowballed into more and more.
My life has changed and improved so much and for the better in the past two years than I have ever seen in my life, for the entirety of it all. All because I dared to challenge the status quo of the life I created for myself. All because I knew I needed to and had to change my life. I had to changed everything. I could no longer sit idly by and let life pass me by. I could no longer not live life. And I was willing to do whatever it took to get there.
It was a triumphant moment in my life to return to where it all started, and this time, in a better state of being than when I first visited there. Where there was no fear about being there. There was no anxiety about how long I would be there. Or if I was able to do it. I was able to be there, be present in my adventure, and just enjoy myself and what I was doing. Walking, admiring, sitting on benches, and just enjoying life. It is a well earned victory for me. To enjoy life. To enjoy myself. Next time I return here I will need to take a tour of the mansion and the buildings, as I have not really explored them. I really spent my time walking around through the trails through the woods. Next time. There is now a next time. I can say that, and not dread it. I can enjoy myself. Finally.
For the longest time my whole life revolved around my anxiety. It was my life. It was my way of being. It was the way life was to me. I had come to terms with that. It was not an easy conclusion to make about my life. That I would be anxious all the time. It was not a good way to live my life. Yet it was the only way I could live… or so I thought.
Fast forward to today where I am finally at a place in my life where I can live a “normal” life that is not controlled by anxiety. And it feels great. It truly does. It was not something that just happened. It has taken me lot of work on myself, and a lot of healing on myself. To peel back the various layers of myself and who I thought I was.
Every journey I take, I learn more about myself. I open up more and I heal even more. My journey has been all about healing my life, healing my anxiety, so I can love life. For the first time ever, I am loving life. Each new step I take, I push myself forward and into new territory. That is the only way really to get through all of this. Is to keep trying. Keep pushing myself. For so long I just stopped in my tracks, and now, I embrace, instead of run from.
Today was another case of pushing myself into things that make me uncomfortable. To do something new. One of the things I do not like to do, is get into a car when someone else drives. For one, I get car sick, and driving helps that. Two, with my anxiety, and stomach issues, I never knew when it would hit, so I prefer the control of being in control of the car and when it stops. So to surrender that control was very scary. As fate would have it, I had to put my car in the shop, and had plans with friends to visit Shree Swaminarayan Temple in Robbinsville, NJ. I would have to either run away from not going, which would be pretty easy to do with my car in the shop, or get a ride with someone else. I opted for the latter. Even if running away would have been easier.
Let me tell you, I am thankful that I got in that car. It was a fun trip, that was 40 minutes away. The temple was gorgeous. Such incredible works of art and beauty made out of marble. But the joy of being able to have been able to conquer a fear and go out like that, with other people in the car, visit a temple, drive home with them, and then go out to dinner, is a moment that will stay with me for a lifetime. All and all we were out for 6 hours. 5 years ago I would have never dreamed of that being possible. Yet I did it, with no fear or anxiety or panic. I was able to enjoy myself and hang out with friends and visit a beautiful temple. Then go eat and drive with another person driving me. Eating and going home used to be such a fear of mine. Until I started eating the proper foods for my body. Today was an incredible day. I am so grateful. And glad I continued to push myself into new things to go even further in life.
On the way home, my friend said to me, I would have never believed you lived with anxiety for so long. I smiled and said, that is the way I am making my life now. Where I don’t even remember the old way, or any other way.